Why I am a childless mother.

So I was reading a post here that inspired me to write this.

I am 19 and have no children. This is a good thing for me considering that I don't have a job and am only doing some online course until my Daddy and I get settled in Chicago. I had a pregnancy scare a couple months ago that I wrote about here. It was a weird time for me. As you could read there, I was very conflicted with what I wanted the test to come out as.

See, here's the thing... I am a mother.

I know that I want kids. I know that I would be a good mother. It's scary don't get me wrong. What if they have special needs? What if they grow up to be a coke-head? What if they are disabled? There are a bunch of what ifs. Those what ifs are scary as hell. But I know that I wouldn't be complete if I wasn't a mother.

I am extremely lucky that my Daddy wants kids too. He actually wants three. I only want one... I did tell him though that if he wants more he has to knock me up in quick succession.

When I was in high school there were some times where I hung out with my young cousin. I looked older than I was so many times people around me thought I was just a young mother. The weird thing? I wouldn't correct them and at certain times I would go along with it. I've always wanted to be a mother.

I'm good with kids. I have this deep desire to be a mother.

I know that right now isn't the best time. With the way the economy is and the fact that we want to be Chicago, we know that waiting is the best thing. I forget what brought it up but Daddy said that he thinks the best time will be either a year before I'm done with college or as soon as I get done. I... sorta agree. I mean, that is a good time. But the impatient part of me wants a baby sooner.

Part of me can't believe I'm 19. I mean, I've always said that I want kids when I'm 20-21. That means I want kids in the next year or two. That is really strange to me at the same time. Who knows what the future will hold. For now, if I got pregnant it would be a mistake. I'm on birth control and plan on staying on birth control for the next year at least.

Like I have said time and time before, it is really up to Daddy at this point. I would get knocked up tomorrow if he thought we could support them and he thought it was a good idea.

So, even though I am childless, I am already a mother.