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Friday, August 28, 2009

Degrade me.

Slut. Whore. Naughty College Co-ed. Most women would be offended if someone called them these words. Heck, I am too in certain circumstances. However, when my Daddy whispers these into me ear... It is instant wet panties. I love that kind of talk. I don't mean just when he whispers it, when he tells me, "Tell me you are my naughty slut" or "You want my big cock stretching that wet cunt". He has it down to an art. I have always loved to be called a slut. It is something inside of me that turns on the inner me. It makes me feel vulnerable, but strong. It is such a weird thing, but I love it. I remember in the past I would be close to cumming and in my head I would be thinking, "call me a slut, call me a slut, call me a slut". My Daddy does that! Not even when I am close to cumming, but all the time. It keeps me constantly turned on.

Degradation is much more than calling me names and the such, but one of my favorite things is face slapping. If you had told me a year ago that I would be into it, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. But the moment my Daddy first did it... I still get goosebumps. He was on top of me, and when his hand came down across my face I was shocked. I wasn't expecting it. I am sure that my face was priceless in the moment right after. It took me a moment to process what happened, my first thought was that I should be like, "what the hell" but then I realized... I liked it! Now it is one of my favorite things. I can honestly say that it is very very intimate. My face is very dear to me, and slapping me there is very intimate. I love the sting. I love his hand. I love how it puts me in my place.

Another thing that I adore is my Daddy spitting on me. I think this has a lot to do with putting me in my place. I love how that feels. Being reminded that he is powerful and do what he pleases. It is nice to be able to be free and know that he is in control.

I think that degradation is all about my place though. So that is ultimately where all of my adoration for it comes from. I am put in my place. I am underneath him. I am his and he does with me what he wants.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Rape Me

So, I have talked about my Daddy raping me before. We've only done it once, but it was AMAZING. I loved the fact that he is so strong and I can really fight back. But anyway, I love being raped [consensually]. I don't think I would want to be in a relationship where I wasn't getting raped. Ideally, I would love to be raped once a week. That would be fabulous.

The vulnerability paired with the fighting gets me off every time. The force and strength that another person can have over me... It is hot. I can't even write about it too long without wanting to touch myself. It is one thing that without fail can get me off everytime. WITHOUT FAIL.

I am so glad that my Daddy likes it too. I was soo afraid the first time I told my Daddy that I wanted to be raped. My first real guy who I have written about before [I feel like I should give him a nickname... oh well...] who I experimented with, we did play rape all the time. I brought it up and he was wary, but didn't judge. So that is what I expected from all future guys... sooo not true I have brought it up with two guys after him and before my Daddy, I was not warmly received. I understand why, but still it sucks. It made me think that I was a bad person. Now I realize that I am not a bad person, I am doing this from my own free will. I want it. So yeah... that's all. I love my Daddy.

Prompt- Funny

What have been the worst personals you’ve seen, damnable communications that you’ve been sent, bad scenes with online players come to your mind?

Okay, let me recount the most horrible online experience I have ever had.

I belong to an adult forum. On there I am just a sex fiend, not too much about my kinky self is let out there. Surprisingly enough, because of the fact that it is a porn site, they don't look kindly upon kink. When it was revealed there that my Daddy and I were in a relationship, we got soooo much shit for it. Whatever, but anyway, this story takes place LONG before my Daddy and I were an item. Heck, he and I weren't even on each other's radars!

So, I used to, stupidly, have my yahoo IM address up publicly. Well, one guy IMed. We shall call him... Celery. You'll see why later...Well Celery IMed me and started chatting me up. He was polite in the beginning, many weren't. I tried brushing him off, but he wasn't getting the hint. But that was okay because he seemed harmless. He would talk about movies or work or things like that. I would pepper the conversation with smiles and the such. Not really too much. Well one day I was really horny and he had asked a couple of times to cyber which I declined, but this night all of my stinkin' friends with benefits were busy so I was left to my own devices. He was on so I thought to myself, well perfect! So I hinted a couple times that I would be interested and he jumped on the chance. He was decent at first, but then he "spanked" me. I shuddered in my seat.

Like I said before, I was kink-free on the site that he knew me, so I was surprised that he did it. He could tell from my reaction that I liked it. Well, after that cybering session we did start talking more, and about three or four days later he told me... HE LOVED ME. I was definitely weirded out, mostly because the guy didn't know anything about me pretty much. I slowed down my talking to him. He started stalking me on the site that I belong to, messaging me there and asking why I was on there and not on yahoo. Ummm... I put you on block? He would write me these messages there and be like, "I know so much about you, you love reese's eggs at Easter!". He would write me random messages of little tidbits of facts about me. It was honestly frightening. I was ignoring these, they were creepy and I wasn't going to fuel his fire. Then one day he wrote me a message telling me that he knew why I was doing what I was doing, I was playing hard to get!!! Ummm... NO!!!!!!!!! So I finally responded. I might have been a bit harsh, but he must have finally got it through his head, because he finally stopped messaging me.

About five or so months later, I was cleaning up my IM contacts. I deleted his name. APPARENTLY when you do this, they become unblocked. Therefore, he could start to see when I was online again because I didn't have him blocked and I was still on his IM list... *headache* A couple of days after removing him I get a IM pop-up. He wrote out this whole long thing about how he STILL loves me and I can always come back to him. It is so freaky and weird. I finally figured out how to block him again, so hopefully now he is gone for good. >.<

The only other annoying thing I deal with is when guys want to view my webcam without permission and the such. Those are annoying to though. If I have said no 538 times before, what makes you think time 539 will be the lucky one?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Prompt- Thoughts

As a bottom when you think of a partner for sadomasochistic play what images, thoughts and desires spring into your mind?

I think the most important thing for me is that my partner is caring. Which may sound strange, but I don't want to play with someone who has no care for me and my well-being. I want them totally sadistic, don't get me wrong I am a masochist after all, but they need to not want to hurt me in a bad way. I don't need an arm broken or scars because someone is careless.

That being said, aftercare is important too. [Blankets!!!] I think that communication is key in any relationship, but even MORE so in BDSM relationships. Failure to communicate can wind up with someone massively hurt [physically or emotionally].

I want someone who can not only wield a whip, but who can care for me afterwards. Even if I was playing and not in a relationship with that person, I would need them to care about me after it. Or at least have my Daddy there so he can care for me after it. That element, for me, is needed.

If it is just play, I need them to be respectful of the boundaries that my Daddy and I have. So respect is another key ingredient.

Hmmm, I feel this post is choppy. Oh well. Take from it what you will.

prompt- safeword

Do you have, avoid or just tolerate the use of safewording in BDSM scenes?

I have a safeword. It is kayak. When I realized I needed a safefword, I sat down with my then boyfriend and we had a long discussion about what it should be. It was actually a really funny conversation. Our biggest concern was that it had to be something that wouldn't come up in sex. So finally a determination was made that kayak would be our safeword.

It has always been my safeword, even through other guys.

I think having a safeword is important. Having it doesn't mean that you'll use it. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had to use it. My Daddy can read me extremely well, but that doesn't negate the need for the safeword.

Daddy has asked though that I come up with a "yellow" safeword. A safeword to let him know to slow down but not stop. I am still thinking about it, because kayak comes so easy, I need something else that will come that easy. I need to drill it into my head, like kayak is drilled. I need to come up with it soon... I'm thinking I might just stick with yellow. I don't know when I would say yellow in sex...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Big Deep Breath

This is a really hard blog for me to write. I know that my Daddy reads my blog, and I don't know if this is something I want to share with him. Actually, I know that it is something that I have a hard time sharing, which will be outlined in this.

I am new to this. My Daddy is my first Dominant, in the true sense of the word. Before I have had a sadist top friend/boyfriend. But he is my first Dom and Daddy. I wake up sometimes, or ponder sometimes and take a moment and realize, I am his. Completely. It is something that I never expected. If you had told me that this was where we were going to end up, I would have laughed at you. However, I would not trade it for the world. Gosh, this is really hard to write...

Still, I was brought up, or taught, or whatever you want to call it, that women should be independent from their men. Which I think is a load of horse crock. I think a certain amount of dependence is good. However, one thing that I do hold fast to, is that a woman should not be too clingy. I think it is unattractive. In any type of relationship. Friendship/co-worker/love interest--- no one should be too clingy. Sometimes I wonder where the too clingy line is.

I have cried in front of him, many times. Something that I have never done with any previous relationship. It is weird, but comforting at the same time. He knows that I am usually much more composed, but the distance brings out some intense, "I miss you" times. Those times usually are accompanied by tears. I would have said in any previous relationship that crying because you missed them, would be too clingy. This is where my conflicting thoughts come from. Should my thoughts be different because we have a different dynamic in play? If anyone else came with me with my situation, I would say yes, but I am viewing it from my standing, and I don't think I should. Silly, huh?

More than that, what about the times where I feel like I need him? Just to talk to, or see for a moment on the webcam? Sure, we talk, but for some reason today I really felt that the distance was there. We talk everyday. I know that if I needed him, I could call him, but I don't want to be a bother. I know, I know, he is going to read this and say, "Babydoll, you are never a bother". However, this directly goes with that clingy thing I was talking about earlier. I don't want to seem too clingy.

Something about tonight, maybe it is the fact that it is his birthday and I wish I was there with him. Maybe it was one of the blogs I read and I just needed him to talk to. I can't tell you exactly what it is. I can sit here and list out a million reasons, but they would bore you eventually, and I want to keep as many readers as I can. Selfish? maybe...

I do need him tonight. How can I reconcile this within myself? I don't know. I sometimes struggle, but mostly, I just live with it. I don't feel this way too often, mostly because we are talking all the time. Which then gets me to thinking, is it going to be viewed as clingy because we do talk all the time and then one night when we don't, I get all needy. I think it might look pathetic.

I wish I had someone to talk to. I've been to a couple munches, I have a few friends in the community, but no one who I can call up and chat with about this... I wish I did. I know I will eventually. I also know though that the feeling will go away. I will stop being all needy tomorrow. Maybe even later tonight. Who knows? I am not too concerned, but on the whole, I don't know how to deal with my not wanting to be too clingy. I don't know what is too clingy.

Tonight, I read a blog. It made me need my Daddy. I know that he is out and having fun. I know that he will call me later before bed. He will ask how my night went, I will tell him how it went, not about the blog, but about the other random things. I guess since I am planning on publishing this, he will find out when he reads it... But anyway, I am not going to ruin his night. I don't know what I need from him either. So that makes it harder. Usually I can pinpoint it, I need some pain, I need a hug, I need to feel your hard cock running up and down my wet slit and teasing me until I beg like a common whore to be fucked nice and hard, or something of the sort. Tonight though, I am clueless. I guess I need it all. I need him. I can settle. I don't know, I feel like I am rambling. Perhaps I can call this a stream of consciousness blog :-P .

This was hard for me to write... I think sometimes saying that I don't know where to go, or what to do, is hard for me. I am used to having the answers.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Naughty Naughty Thoughts


See that swing over there? I was on a swing like that Saturday. At my young cousin's birthday party. Nothing kinky what-so-ever was going on. Tee-ball and Transformers were the topics of conversation. I went and sat down on the swing. My mind was thinking about various things, none of them remotely kinky. I sat down on the swing, and everything changed. I imagined my legs and wrists being tied to the metal bars, making it impossible for me to move and then having my Daddy violate me anyway that he wants.

I had to get up off the swing, didn't want to leave a wet spot.


I have a lot of naughty thoughts like that. They happen all the time. Not that I mind, but it does come up out of nowhere. That's it. Simple blog today...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Munching Away.

I went to a munch last night and I had a blast. I met a whole bunch of new people. It is always nice to meet new people in the community. I had a discussion with one guy about how the openness with certain people needs to be at different degrees. I had a thrilling talk about timezones. There was talk about college and school. Of course I used the word rape as many times as I could. I love being raped [consensually]. Mmmm. I want to be raped weekly. That is something that my Daddy and I will figure out in the future though.

It is so much fun getting raped by him! He is so strong that I can really get into the victim role. [Why are you biting yourself? :-P] I love being able to really struggle and hit and flail without worrying about hurting him and without worrying about being too strong. Mmmm, just thinking about how strong he is gets my panties wet. Well, they would be wet... if I was wearing any.

I am currently only wearing a bra. It is sort of hot outside, and my air isn't on. So I am only wearing a bra. Sometimes I throw the comforter over me though to warm up. I am weird about body temperature. I love blankets.

Anyway, this started with the munch, I really like the group of people there. I brought my 'nilla friend Platinum, she had a lot of fun too and made friends. She said it was sometimes strange because she didn't always know the terminology, but it's not like we sit around just talking about kinky things. So she really got into the conversations. When we left it was really nice because we got to talk about all the people. We talked about who we liked [pretty much everyone] and who we think is funny/smart/cute/totally bang-able.

We then got into a discussion that I want to blog about later, but I don't know how to write what I think properly yet. It is a fine conversation to have in person because I can talk through what I think, but I like to be a bit more concise when writing about a specific topic like that.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I really am dirty!

I took one of those "quizzes" about what my blog would be rated. Here are the results!

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating



Awesome, right? I really am naughty!!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Surrender

“Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.”- Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer.

I asked my Daddy if there was anything about which he would like me to blog. He gave me the above quote. There is a lot of different directions I can take this blog, so bear with me if this jumps at some points. The first thing that I thought when I read this, was about the truth in my surrender. I have felt inside of me, that my surrender to someone would be something that I not only needed, but it would need to be to the right person and for the right reason.

I am a very opinionated and have no problem voicing my opinion. My fantasies about men have always been that they were big and strong and could shut me up. It wasn't a forceful duct-tape silence, but with his... presence. It isn't even about the silence, because as my Daddy could tell you, I like to talk. Heck, anyone could tell you that I talk a lot. I like talking. I like communicating. However, my talking in this is representing something much bigger. I am handing over my willfulness. I am handing over my stubbornness. I am handing it over for something so beautiful. I am letting him take over. He has complete control over me. It is something that I have recently thought over. I haven't really talked to him about it. When I first realized it, I realized that anything that he told me to do, I would do. I have complete trust in him. It freaked me out a little.

Like I said before, I am a strong and smart woman. Even though I knew I wanted this, it scared me to realize that I was right in the middle of what I wanted. It wasn't an immediate thing. He gained my trust and I surrendered more to him. It took me some time of actually evaluating what exactly it all meant for everything that I am. Then I came to the realization that just because I have surrendered myself over to him, doesn't mean that I am not a strong woman. He is the right man though, because he could get me to this point. I realized how great the point that we are at is. I feel so comfortable with him. I am his. I love typing that... I am his. When he growls "mine", my pussy gets unimaginably wet.

If I was hiding this, trying to follow my 'nilla peers, I would not be happy. I would always be unsatisfied. That is why what I have, what I am, what I like, is beautiful. It is wonderful. I love me. Being all of me, is great.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Stream of Consciousness II

Alright... 12 minutes this time. Starting now.

I'm listening to Justin Timberlake's SexyBack. It is surprisingly kinky. "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave". I really have been craving some pain these past couple of days. For about a week or so all I have wanted is to be spanked until my ass is so tender even thinking about sitting make it burn. I have incorporated some pain into my alone time, but it just isn't the same. I know what is coming if I am the one inflicting it. Also, if I wimp out, I can stop hitting. I like to go beyond that wimp out point. I crave that beyond, but it isn't something I can do to myself. I never have been, and I doubt I ever will be able to.

Today my Daddy was watching me during my alone time, which always makes it a bit better for me. I don't know if it is about me liking to show off, or about it bringing us closer. At least if he can see me, it isn't like he is so far away. I hate our distance. I wish that I was with him. Nights are the hardest. After 8 o'clock, it gets hard. 8 is usually when I wind down. Unless I am out. I want to wind down with him. I want to be with him. I miss him a lot. Sometimes I don't want to say it, because I don't want it to seem like I am harping on the missing. I am looking forward to the next time we are together. It is a month. I hate the fact that I am away from him though. I love him. It is hard. But looking forward to the next time makes it easier. Also, we really don't have too much time between our visits. We have tentative plans from now until the end of the year. September, I want him to visit in October for Halloween, then other things. I don't want to talk about past that...

Sometimes I make myself sick. Not puke sick. Not cough sick. But I think something and all of a sudden, my throat constricts and it feels like I don't have a throat. I don't know, it's confusing. It doesn't last long.

I have a question. I need to message one of my friends about. I know that I am fairly new to this lifestyle. Sometimes I just need someone to talk about things with. Someone who understands where I am coming from. I have questions. They are questions for more of a sub/slave though, so sometimes Daddy cannot really help. I have thought about messaging my friend for the past couple of days or so, but I have not really made the time to do so...

My days have been a bit hectic lately. However, I still find time for my Daddy and for playing. I need play time. I find that when I don't cum, I get cranky.

Want to know something strange? When I am down or sad, I like to give head. Seriously. When I thought I wasn't going to win President for a school club, I called a FWB to make sure that I would feel better. That night I gave some of the best head of my life. By the end, I wasn't sad/upset anymore. How can you be upset when you have a delicious mouthful of cum? That was quite a load too... now that I think back. I just love giving head. It is one of my favorite things. EVER. It calms me in a way that most people don't understand. Some people knit, I give head.

Oh man, three more minutes.

Daddy got me sick. Last time we were together I caught some germs of his. I love it. I know that sounds sooooo weird, but it is a part of him. There I go, about to go back on the "I miss him" tangent. I already went through that though, so I can't backtrack. I am going to buy some shoes that match this dress for the next play party that we go to. I need to buy some fishnets too. We aren't sure if they will be worn for that, but I'm sure they'll get worn. I seriously need money. From now until January, all I keep thinking is I need to spend money on this, or that, or the next thing. It is really frustrating. Why is life so damn expensive? Do you consider damn a swear? I try not to swear. It's why I say "goodness gracious" and the such. Gotta stay as ladylike as possible.

Innocence...

Okay, I remember being young and drawing naked women. I would fantasize about my neighbor's touching themselves in front of windows so I could watch. It was all very mature stuff for someone still being able to show their age on two hands. I have just always been sexual. My mom tells me that I would compulsively play with myself in the bath. *shrugs* oh well. Today I ran across a diary [actually just a few moments ago] that said, "sex is going to be fun. I think peing [peeing] in my mouth will be fun." :O Then of course all these memories come back, I remember in kindergarten I thought that having sex meant two people peeing in each other's mouths. Like watersports 69ing. I convinced one of my friends of this I am sure. It's funny that at this point I have no interest in watersports, but as a young child I obviously did... Hmmm... I don't think I ever had a chance at being vanilla...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Relationships

I have had a lot of my family telling me what a relationship is this past week. I think that a few of them can give me their advice, but for the most part, my family is made up of broken marriages and failed relationships. I do know that they can offer me "don't do X" or "make sure you're honest" but I also think that each relationship has their own dynamic. I know what I want out of my relationships and a lot of my family does not understand that.

I have even stated on my blog here, a lot of people in this day don't understand how I could want what I do. The relationships that I have seen work, have been with proper "roles" in place. Out of all my aunts and uncles, the only two that are still in relationships have roles in place. Both of my aunts are stay-at-home moms. Then their husbands work. It was the same with my grandparents. I just see it as that is how a relationship works. It plays a lot into my choice for a career as well, I am planning on being a teacher. I can take off a couple of year when my child[ren] are young if that is possible, but even if I can't, my hours aren't that long. I know that I will grade at home and such, but the actual hours outside of the home aren't that long.

I remember being young and telling everyone that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom. They all looked at me like I was crazy, women are supposed to embrace the future! It is funny, because whenever people [mostly other females] tell me that what I am doing is wrong, I laugh. I am all for women going forward in the workplace. I think there should be equal pay for men and women. I agree that nothing should hold women back. However, why is my decision to stay at home and take care of the home frowned upon? I am not forcing it upon anyone else...

I have gotten off track though. I want to take care of the home and the man. I want my man to come home and be able to relax. I think that a man should protect and provide for their woman. I know that a lot of people may frown upon this, they think that it should be equal. However, I think that that the woman should have a say, an opinion, and the man should consider it, but ultimately, it is his decision. For the most part. I feel like I am not speaking clearly... Maybe I am talking in circles and not making sense... Leave me a comment and let me know...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Thoughts.

I was reading something on Fetlife today and thought about my response, even relating it to my Daddy and I. Then, in the analogy that I was thinking of, I realized I didn't know something. Something that I was basing my answer off of. I was tired, now I am just sitting here, wishing I knew the answer. I know that I cannot call him and ask him, he is sleeping. I don't think I will get a good night's sleep tonight... Gosh, I frickin' hate it when I think of something like that... It keeps me up. I need to go to sleep...

I masturbated in my car today. Two guys in the car behind me saw. It was thrilling...

Acceptance.

I know that my sexual preferences are not the norm. Hell, to be honest, that is a draw for me. The taboo nature of some of it. Anyway. I never really planned on telling my family about my sexual preferences. I am open, don't get me wrong, but my family doesn't need to know that I like to be spanked and choked. However, after the relationship was out in the open with them, I swore to always tell the truth.

I was out to lunch and after some questioning my sexual preferences were out on the table. I was mortified. Like I said earlier, I never planned on letting my family in on what I like sexually. Whatever, what is done, is done. But now that brings me to my subject, accepting family.

I know that no matter what, I am accepting of my family. My family is made up of some twisted people. They have done some things that are wrong. Blatantly wrong. I still accept them as family though. That I think is why it irks me as how they judge me with my Daddy. It irritates me that they feel like they can pass judgement and not be accepting. I understand why they don't accept him, but they should accept my desire to be with him. *sighs* I feel like I am hitting my head up against a wall over and over again. I don't like the situation I am in. It is not me. There is so much drama, and I am such NOT a drama person. Just not me. I try to avoid it.

I don't know where I wanted to go with this. The whole subject gives me a headache to be honest...

Friday, August 7, 2009

My Preoccupation...

I usually have naughty dreams about... two or three times a week. On average. Actually, that might even be inflating it. However, the past couple months, that number has been shooting up. I think it has a little to do with the fact that I am not masturbating as much as I used to, so I have more sexual energy pent up. Also, Daddy just always has me horny... Anyway, so my naughty dream average these days is more like... five or six days a week.

Anyway, this whole week, I have had naughty dreams. Every single night I have naughty dream after naughty dream. I don't think I had one non-naughty dream the whole week... On top of that, they have all had one thing in common... Anal sex. It has been on my mind and in my fantasies so much lately. Most of the orgasms this week happened when I was thinking about anal. The thing is, I haven't even had it yet, but I want to so badly. I think about it... a lot.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

My little vibe.

I have a rabbit vibe. Actually, it is Jenna Jameson's Ultimate Stroker. It was my first real sex toy. When I first got it, I was in heaven. I think I was wearing out the batteries once a day. It was intense. Still to this day, if someone wanted a rabbit vibe, I would recommend mine. It works amazingly alone and with a partner. There is so many different speeds and styles of vibration.

However, I have another vibe. I have nicknamed it "my little vibe" simple. My Daddy and I bought a "clone-a-willy" set the first time we were together. His cock is fabulous, can you blame me for wanting a clone? Anyway, we were in a hotel and tried to make due with the supplies we had instead of using the supplies we needed. Who brings a mixing bowl and a measuring cup to a hotel room? So needless to say, the mixture was a chunky mess. Gross. So I was left with this... little vibrator. I was a little disappointed, but I looked at the silver lining, I got a new vibrator out of it. I got home and put it in a drawer, sort of forgetting about it. One day in the next week I got it out and started playing with it on my clit. It is one speed, but DAMN, I like the speed. I was cumming quickly and powerfully. Since then my rabbit vibe has been gathering more dust. The little vibe pretty much gets used daily now. I love it. Not to mention, because I have a tight pussy, it actually fits inside of me perfectly.

That's it. Just wanted to brag about my awesome and amazing little vibe.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Truth Comes Out. PT 2

So, Socks and I picked up my Daddy from the airport and honestly, seeing him is just the best feeling in the world. Even under the unsavory circumstances I wanted to jump his bones right there. Kissing him soothes me. I can't say that all of my fears went away when our lips met [although that would be a great way to romanticize the situation], but I can say that my nerves did settle a little. The car ride was... weird. I knew it would be, but quite frankly I expected some grilling to begin there. Socks mainly stayed quiet. A couple syllables when I talked directly to him, but nothing to my Daddy mainly. They did exchange a brief little thing on how baffling it is on how certain restaurants can have buildings on every corner, but nothing about us.

We stopped for gas on the way home [literally on the corner of my street] and Daddy and I pumped and talked. It was something, only a few minutes, but it helped us be okay with walking into the lion's den. We arrived home, and I can't even put what I was feeling into words. It was FUCKING SCARY. Yes, I am even dropping a "f" bomb, that's how you know I was almost wetting my panties. We walked in the door and I introduced my Daddy to my family [Not as 'my Daddy' obviously. There is no reason for them to know about my kinks]. They were almost salivating to attack him. It was subtle things that I picked up on, and I'm sure he felt it. I will say, now looking back, it is amazing how many people showed up. I mean, I do have an amazing family that I know will drop things at a moment's notice to be there for me. Sure, it is a bit smothering and not needed in this situation, but they think it was needed, so... yeah...

I can't even remember all of what was said. Daddy and I sat together, fielding off question after question. I think that he was really amazing about it all. It is one of the reasons I love him, he cares for me. I know that might not make sense, but he truly cares for me. He came up for me. Everything that he said and did, made me fall deeper in love with him. I saw not only how much that he cared for me, but seeing him sit there and take all of the abuse just made me realize how much I cared for him. Some people in my family were more accepting than others. We didn't walk out of there with any double dates set up, but I do think that certain members of my family are looking to include him. They are trying, and they want what is best for me.

They don't understand a lot though. However, I can understand why they don't understand. Which leaves me in a weird place. They don't believe that I can understand them, but I really do. I don't think it is hard to understand their position. I do think it takes more time to understand certain things about our relationship though. There is a stigma [especially in my family] about meeting online. I am not ashamed of meeting my Daddy online. Do I wish we had met in a different way? Ummm... it is sort of hard for me to answer. I like how we had to connect online, and I don't think we could have done that in person. So I guess, no, I wouldn't want to meet him another way. Not to mention, I have no clue how the heck we could have met otherwise. Other members of my family don't understand the age difference. Which is once again, fine by me. His age is SUCH a turn on. Seriously, every time they said something along the lines of, "He is old enough to be your FATHER!!!!" my panties got a bit wetter. I LOVE that my Daddy is older than me. mmmm, seriously, even writing about it now, I want to pull out my little vibe. I will resist though... I need to finish this blog anyway...

Eventually everyone left though. Some of them were more okay with it than others. I think some people were warming up to the idea. I know no one left there saying that they wanted him to be his best friend, but I think in time they will see how amazing of a man he is, and that he loves me. So, it was my mom, him, and me at the end. We talked about the plan of attack. My Daddy is going to be moving to my city. Which was always plan A. I just got antsy. I give my mom props, I know she was trying to be as understanding as she could.

My Daddy and I then got some alone time. We sat in the living room and put Signs in the dvd player. Both of us knew that we would fall asleep, but falling asleep together was fine by both of us. We did end up falling asleep and woke up around 3:30. We finally ended up in the same bed. Shirts and pants discarded. My hand wandered beneath the covers feeling his cock through his briefs I knew that both of us were wanting each other. I pushed down the material, feeling the stiffness in my hand. I love playing with his cock. It's thick and hot. I couldn't resist too long and my mouth went around it. I knew that I wanted my fair share of his cum. It is delicious. After feeling his cock pulsate in my mouth and shoot his load, I relished in the gloriousness of having his cum in my mouth again. [okay, romanticized language, but totally the truth] I was quite content after that to curl up next to him and go to sleep. I love sleeping next to him. I can fully admit that I am spoiled, my Daddy is the BEST sleeping partner. I am completely biased, but that is okay.

We woke up today [Sunday] and once again, I felt his cock popping out of its cloth prison [too much?]. He wanted to be respectful, but I was waaaaay too horny. I begged and pleaded. We both wanted it, but we wanted to be respectful... However, I got on top of him and rode him to three orgasms. Every time I slide down on him after a little bit of an absence it is pretty much an instant orgasm though. Which is totally fine by me! He just fills me like nothing else. It was very vanilla. It was great though. Quick, but it got the job done. I can't speak for him, but I needed it. I needed the release. It was hard to be quiet, but I totally accomplished it!!! I was proud of that fact alone. Although he had a bit more hair than last time and when riding him it was rubbing against my clit and it was crazy intense. Very very nice. Mmmmm.

Then after a bit of post coital talking and such we got dressed. There was a bit of morning conversation over coffee with my mom. Nothing too intense. We ended up going back into the living room to finish watching Signs. I just love being next to him. I fit. We fit. My Daddy and I went out to lunch before dropping him off at the airport. It was nice to spend some more alone time together. I love him and we don't get to see each other as much as we would like right now, so it is nice to have those little lunches. Then when done, we drove to the airport. What a killer ride. I always hate that drive when dropping him off. I didn't cry [that much] though. I was proud of myself. Whenever I even started to tear up I just remembered him saying, "no fussing babydoll" and I fixed myself. It isn't that bad, I miss him don't get me wrong. I miss him like hell. I want to be with him. I know that we will be together soon though. I can live with this. I am happy that everything is out in the open. I am happy that I can be honest with everyone finally. I think that since people know I will have a bigger support network when I miss him and the such. Who knows. I know that I will see him in the next 60 days though. That's what matters, I can wait that long.

So, that was my weekend!!! How was yours? :P

The Truth Comes Out. PT 1

Alright, I took a nap. I am not saying that I will be writing this eloquently or any more clear than before, but I do have some sleep in me. So, let's start with the beginning...

My family did not know about my Daddy. At first it started off because there was really no need for them to know. We were talking and getting to know each other, but nothing was serious. Heck, even when we met for the first time, it was still not as serious as it is now. Then we fell in love, and our communication went up. I felt awful every time I had to lie. It was not my thing, I hate lying. But it was done because the age difference between my Daddy and I is 16 years, not something I am ashamed of [actually it is pretty darn hot if you ask me], but I was afraid that my mom would cut all the ways that I communicate with him. I know that may sound childish, I was relying on my mother to provide the lines of communication, but couldn't tell her who I was using them for. However, I have never said that in my mother's house, I don't rely heavily on her. I am not about to go into my financial situation and the ways that my paycheck get divided, but there is a reason that at 18 I do still have my mom paying for gas and my cell phone.

That is beyond the point though. My Daddy and I had discussed me moving. I had actually convinced him to let me move in with him. Now don't take that as he didn't want to, but he had his concerns and I was the one pushing for him to tell me that I could move down with him. So anyway, he did say yes and I was slated to move Saturday [yesterday]. I was having a friend drive me to the airport under the assumption that I was going shopping with her. There was a bit of a fight brewing at home because of some financial steps I had taken to move, so I chose not to deal with them another night, and left Friday night. I deviated from the plan. I left a note telling my mom that I was moving out. I really didn't give too much information besides that, I didn't want me moving to be ruined. She of course called me when she read the note, wanting answers. I picked up, ready to be unresponsive to her questions. I wanted to stop lying though, and eventually it came out that I was dating my Daddy. She begged me to come home and spend the last night before I moved away in my own home. I want to say that was my biggest mistake, but in reality, it was good.

I went home. My mom was crying when I went home, expectantly. She was begging me to stay, I was determined to leave. She was questioning me about my Daddy and I saw that one way or another, my mom was going to do everything in her power to keep me home. My uncles showed up one by one, each one of them bringing their own flavor of scary. The more that showed up, the more closed off I got. I had already made my decision. However, by the end of the night, they had convinced me to let Daddy meet the family before running off. So my Daddy made arrangements for his two dogs, and had a flight the next day. The agreement was that since the flights for me back on Sunday [today] were just too expensive, even with a transfer of my ticket, I would have a flight down there next weekend. THAT was the agreement.

The uncles left and it was just my mom and me at this point. She was crying and asking questions about him , which I was more than happy to answer. I was happy that he was no longer a secret to my family. My mom kept me up pretty late talking, which I was fine with. My Daddy got on his flight the next day, all was going fairly decent.

Saturday [yesterday] was a bit of a draining day emotionally. Before I went to the airport to pick up my Daddy, some family came over to grill me separately. They talked down to me, they belittled our relationship, and they were not understanding. All things I expected. They did it because they love me, and I understood that. So I took all of their questions, and answered them. I took all of their thoughts, and heard them. Not too much could be said though, I knew that their opinions would not be changed so quickly. I headed to the airport with one of my uncles, [His name will be Socks.] and he continued to grill me. He was concerned and all that good stuff. I liked the one on one aspect better than the goose at the roast situation that was at my house. I could answer questions better and keep my emotions in check. I didn't feel ganged up on, so I didn't have the guard up.

TO BE CONTINUED... [sorry mom wants to talk...]

The Secret's Out.

I don't know how to write this, or even what to say right now. To be honest, I am extremely exhausted and I know that anything I write, I will have to add onto. So I think for now I will just give the absolute basics and go back and fill later. I just need to write SOMETHING.

OKAY... Here goes nothing.

-No one in my family knew about my Daddy because of the way we met and my need for privacy on that. Also, I believed that my mom would freak and cut all communication.

-I was planning on going to live with him.

-My mom found out before I had a chance to jump on the plane.

-HUGE AND LOOOOOOOOONG family discussion with just my family and me.

-It is decided that my Daddy would come out and meet the family. And he did.

-Family grills my Daddy and me.

-Everything goes surprisingly better than originally thought.

-Daddy leaves.

Oh, and there was a blowjob and a quickie in there too. More later.

Keep in Mind

Please keep in mind that everything I write is my opinion and what works for me. Please don't ever feel like I am trying to force my ways on you, or that I feel your way is wrong. Things are different in every M/s, D/s, T/b relationship. What works for me may not work for you or the next person. It is all I know and therefore all I can write about. Please feel free to comment and let me know how your relationship or opinion differs though. :) Much love!

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