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Monday, August 10, 2009

Stream of Consciousness II

Alright... 12 minutes this time. Starting now.

I'm listening to Justin Timberlake's SexyBack. It is surprisingly kinky. "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave". I really have been craving some pain these past couple of days. For about a week or so all I have wanted is to be spanked until my ass is so tender even thinking about sitting make it burn. I have incorporated some pain into my alone time, but it just isn't the same. I know what is coming if I am the one inflicting it. Also, if I wimp out, I can stop hitting. I like to go beyond that wimp out point. I crave that beyond, but it isn't something I can do to myself. I never have been, and I doubt I ever will be able to.

Today my Daddy was watching me during my alone time, which always makes it a bit better for me. I don't know if it is about me liking to show off, or about it bringing us closer. At least if he can see me, it isn't like he is so far away. I hate our distance. I wish that I was with him. Nights are the hardest. After 8 o'clock, it gets hard. 8 is usually when I wind down. Unless I am out. I want to wind down with him. I want to be with him. I miss him a lot. Sometimes I don't want to say it, because I don't want it to seem like I am harping on the missing. I am looking forward to the next time we are together. It is a month. I hate the fact that I am away from him though. I love him. It is hard. But looking forward to the next time makes it easier. Also, we really don't have too much time between our visits. We have tentative plans from now until the end of the year. September, I want him to visit in October for Halloween, then other things. I don't want to talk about past that...

Sometimes I make myself sick. Not puke sick. Not cough sick. But I think something and all of a sudden, my throat constricts and it feels like I don't have a throat. I don't know, it's confusing. It doesn't last long.

I have a question. I need to message one of my friends about. I know that I am fairly new to this lifestyle. Sometimes I just need someone to talk about things with. Someone who understands where I am coming from. I have questions. They are questions for more of a sub/slave though, so sometimes Daddy cannot really help. I have thought about messaging my friend for the past couple of days or so, but I have not really made the time to do so...

My days have been a bit hectic lately. However, I still find time for my Daddy and for playing. I need play time. I find that when I don't cum, I get cranky.

Want to know something strange? When I am down or sad, I like to give head. Seriously. When I thought I wasn't going to win President for a school club, I called a FWB to make sure that I would feel better. That night I gave some of the best head of my life. By the end, I wasn't sad/upset anymore. How can you be upset when you have a delicious mouthful of cum? That was quite a load too... now that I think back. I just love giving head. It is one of my favorite things. EVER. It calms me in a way that most people don't understand. Some people knit, I give head.

Oh man, three more minutes.

Daddy got me sick. Last time we were together I caught some germs of his. I love it. I know that sounds sooooo weird, but it is a part of him. There I go, about to go back on the "I miss him" tangent. I already went through that though, so I can't backtrack. I am going to buy some shoes that match this dress for the next play party that we go to. I need to buy some fishnets too. We aren't sure if they will be worn for that, but I'm sure they'll get worn. I seriously need money. From now until January, all I keep thinking is I need to spend money on this, or that, or the next thing. It is really frustrating. Why is life so damn expensive? Do you consider damn a swear? I try not to swear. It's why I say "goodness gracious" and the such. Gotta stay as ladylike as possible.


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Keep in Mind

Please keep in mind that everything I write is my opinion and what works for me. Please don't ever feel like I am trying to force my ways on you, or that I feel your way is wrong. Things are different in every M/s, D/s, T/b relationship. What works for me may not work for you or the next person. It is all I know and therefore all I can write about. Please feel free to comment and let me know how your relationship or opinion differs though. :) Much love!


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