Sex and Love.

Thankfully I can differentiate between sex and love. I always have been able to. It may have some times led to some not great situations, I am glad that I am able to have sex, and not develop feelings for that person. I don’t think this is a skill that everyone needs to have, I think that if you are a monogamous person who only has sex in the confines of a loving relationship, sex and love can totally be fused.

At this point, Daddy and I are not having sex with others, but that is not because we don’t want to. We want to, it just isn’t happening because Augusta is so damn conservative about their kink. This is a great motivator to get back up to Chicago. Not to mention I have talked to M about playing together and W said it was good, so I am REALLY looking forward to that. Like, seriously.

Anyway.

Daddy and I have a pretty active sex life. We have sex at least once a day usually. This keeps me satisfied to a point. I still need to masturbate during the days so my horniness doesn’t spill over. But orgasms from masturbation are much different than orgasms from sex. I need both.

Well… The past couple of days I’ve been feeling like we haven’t been having sex as much. He prefers not to have sex the two heaviest days of my period, so since he makes the rules, two days last week I was out of commission. Which was actually fine because I was sort of sick so I slept a lot. The weekend before that though I was extremely sick and was awake probably three hours total, so not sex then either.

We had sex two days ago. It was good. Then yesterday I tried to initiate anal sex. I want to write a post about my struggles with anal later though, it is only important here to note that the sex wasn’t a completed act.

Which means we have had sex once in over a week. It hurts me. It genuinely hurts. I don’t know why, because I know that he loves me. But I feel like when we don’t have sex that I have become unattractive in his eyes or something. I question why I cannot even apparently entice him enough for a blowjob. It makes me cry when he isn’t around because as much as I can separate love and sex, when he isn’t giving me sex, I feel unloved.

And like I said, I know that it is in my head. I know that he still loves me. I know that this is all crazy thoughts that I don’t need to think. However, that doesn’t mean that they go away. Even when I try to rationalize them away, they are still sitting there in the back of my head.

Also, I know that work and everyday stress can lead to decrease in sexual activity. I know this. I know that it is probably a contributor to the reasons we are not fucking. However, knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

*sighs* I’m going to go masturbate…