So.... Last Night...

So… last night I blogged… I was in a very vulnerable place. I still am really. But I took some time to myself and walked my dogs and thought about everything.

It was not right of me to be placing so much emphasis on sex. I wasn’t looking at the fact that he took time out of his game playing to cuddle with me and watch a show I like. I wasn’t looking at the fact that he let me eat the last bite of his cake. I wasn’t thinking about how he kisses me at every chance he gets. I wasn’t thinking about him tickling me. Plainly, I wasn’t thinking.

Now of course I feel really foolish. Part of me wants to delete the post since was not written when I was in a good frame of mind. However I don’t think that is good either. Because this is about my journey as a slave. Those times when I am feeling vulnerable and insecure… those are a part of my journey. I think it is important that I posted this too though, because I really did take time and reflect about why I was feeling that way.

I’m not going to lie and say that I am back at 100%, I’m still a little breakable today. I still am a bit down. I don’t want to be, but it is something that will be fixed with a bit of time.

Last night it all came to a head when it was after 2 am and I was crying in the bathroom. Not so attractive. I realized that if I continued on the path that I was on, feeling like I was feeling, that eventually, Daddy would get tired of it and me. That is the exact opposite of what I want.

I want the future with us. I want us, old and losing teeth, rocking in rocking chairs on our front porch, together. Because there will be a point where sex goes away. Where we will just be us. I want that. I want that with him. So if I have to go through a couple of sex free weeks to get there, I am okay with that.