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Friday, October 9, 2009

Kneeling Num 6

What is the mental aspect you struggle most with when submitting to me?

I was taught from a young age that I could be anything that I want to be. Unfortunately, the people who taught me this interpreted that to mean that I had to be a lawyer or doctor or business owner. My grandmother still to this day tries to talk me out of being a teacher at every turn. The people who taught me wanted me to be successful. It is a worthy and understandable thing to teach a child. A commendable thing even. However, when I told people I wanted to be a teacher, I was told that "I had so much more potential" and "I was smarter than that" and "I could do so much better things with my life". So, you may wonder where this is all going in respect to my biggest mental struggle.

When your support system is telling you that you can "do better" and that you ARE BETTER, you start to doubt what you are doing. It takes a lot of inner strength and contemplating to see if what you want truly is what you want. The same thing applies to my submission. I was always taught that relationships need to be equal. I was taught that women even should hold their men by the balls. I never liked that thought, however, it was something that was taught to me. So when I first submitted I realized that I needed the same confidence and assurance about my submission as I have about my future profession.

I thought that my contemplation would lead me to more mental "road blocks" about submitting. However, when thinking about it, I realized that this is always what I wanted. When I think about how I wanted MY relationship to work, I realized that my submission was key to it. So I think that my upbringing was my biggest mental struggle in my submission. I am very happy to say that I have come over that, but it was the biggest problem for the longest time. I found my peace though, happily. So what was my mental struggle is no longer there. Thankfully.

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Please keep in mind that everything I write is my opinion and what works for me. Please don't ever feel like I am trying to force my ways on you, or that I feel your way is wrong. Things are different in every M/s, D/s, T/b relationship. What works for me may not work for you or the next person. It is all I know and therefore all I can write about. Please feel free to comment and let me know how your relationship or opinion differs though. :) Much love!

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