Fear

I read something simple today, something innocent, something that would have usually made me smile, but today it made me freeze. A fear ran through my body. I couldn't move. I wanted to cry. I felt like I was suffocating. I could barely think.

I talked myself through it. I couldn't call my Daddy, because I already look like a mess to him. Being away from him does weird things to me... I'm sure I look like a psycho or something in his eyes. I feel like I am way too clingy or that I am bothering him whenever I call. I know that isn't true, but it is how I feel.

He is the most fantastic man. I was a bit frustrated yesterday because whenever I said something that I deemed to be sweet and emotional [I miss when you touch me, when you kiss me, when you tickle me] he would respond with something ordinary [I miss you too]. It was definitely frustrating me. I felt like I was either bothering him or that he didn't miss me as much as I miss him. Last night when we were on the phone though he verbalized how much he missed me, I broke down and started crying. Shit! I'm doing it again... lol. I guess I can't help it.

I know he loves me. I know he misses me. I am so completely in love that sometimes I freeze up. I get so scared that something will go wrong. But I talk myself through those times. It will all be okay. We will love each other. He misses me too.