Hectic

I've been so wound up lately. Just with thoughts and writing. I'm doing NaNoWriMo and so far beyond. It's sometimes hard for me to start writing, but once I hit a groove I feel like I am good. The internet is just such a distraction. Such as this blog :P . However, I felt like I needed to write.

I am visiting my family for Thanksgiving. I'll be there for a little over a week. I know it will be strange and I think it'll be hard on me. Last week my thoughts were all on the possibility of being pregnant. [Which I am not, however the no period thing was weird. I did take two preggo tests to confirm though] When my thoughts were on the possibility of having my Daddy's baby it forced me to evaluate our relationship. I guess that kind of thing does have that effect...

Well, what I realized is that even though there are things that I am not 100% fanatical about here, I feel at home. I realize that my mom will try to convince me to come back home when I am there. However, the thing is, I was not happy when I was there. Daddy says I need to consider what my mother offers. Not because he doesn't want me with him here, but because for my education it is better if I am up there since that is the only way my mother will pay for it.

I'm torn. I truly am. I don't want to leave. I know this already. However, my education is something that is soooo important to me, and to my Daddy. I haven't found a job down here and I do believe that I would have an easier time back in my old town. I do think that things would be different between my mother and I. However, I don't want to leave my Daddy. I have a home here. It kills me to even think of leaving. Not to mention, I've gotten used to seeing him everyday. Part of me is just wanting to be selfish and just stay here for that reason alone.

My mind has been a mess lately. I feel like I am being torn apart. I don't really know what is going on in my head. I guess we will find out next week... I'm sure I'll be blogging more about this. Stay tuned...