My paid adventures

So, I talked in my last blog about the CL ad that my Daddy and I posted and the one guy who responded. The guy wanted to watch my Daddy and I have sex while we degraded him a bit and pay us for it. I was excited and nervous. More than anything else I was nervous because the guy wanted me to take on a role that is not me at all, a more Domme role.

I am not a switch. I have no interest in "topping" someone or controlling someone. It is not something that I get off on. I was nervous that even pretending wouldn't work for me. Daddy talked me through a lot of my main worries. Also, my Daddy would be there, so I could feed off of him.

Well, this guy kept talking to my Daddy about coming over during the day for me to "size him up" pretty much meaning he wanted some humiliation before the big show. I was really uncomfortable with this because I wouldn't have my Daddy there. Not only would my Daddy protect me, but he would also be there to play off of [like I mentioned above]. But the guy was offering the same amount for 15 minutes as he was for a hour. The opportunity was too good to pass up considering my unemployment status. So I told my Daddy to let the guy come over.

I was nervous. It felt like rats were running around in my stomach. It was *not* a good feeling. He came over and the beginning stuff was taken care of [the money and making sure he wasn't a cop]. He dropped his pants, I called him a little boy, laughed, and played the part pretty well. It took less than ten minutes for him to finish [you better not get anything on the furniture!]. He cleaned up his mess and was on his way. It was the easiest money that I have ever made. Not to mention the most fun.

I remember watching cathouse on HBO and wishing that I could do what they did. Weird but true. Now I'm not saying that this is anything more than it is, but I had fun with it. I am looking forward to the next time. I like money and I like sex. Best of both worlds...

My Kinky Life

I have written about my family before here, and how they found out about my Daddy and some of them know I am kinky. Before, when I was hiding my Daddy from them, I was sad and upset. I hate lying and I really hated hiding a part of myself from my mother especially. My mom and I are the only two people in my nuclear family. We were always really close and I pretty much told her everything. I knew there would come a time where I would not tell her everything, however it felt strange when it happened.

I was relieved when my mom found out about my Daddy and I, because it meant I could stop lying about where I was going and who I was talking to. However, I was only met with more hiding that I did not even consider before, my kinkiness. I feel like I want to talk to her, but I realize that she does not understand. She said something yesterday about how she doesn't think sex should be like how I have it. She made some comments about how she doesn't understand why it has to be like that every time. Then, when I tried to tell her that it isn't like that every time, she didn't want to listen because she doesn't want to know about my sex life. I will say, I don't want her knowing about my sex life either. However, I don't want her walking around believing things that aren't true.

I understand that she doesn't understand what I am doing. As much as I want to sit next to her and tell her how excited I am about things such as collaring, I know that she doesn't [and most likely will never] understand. It saddens me to a certain degree. It actually saddens me quite a bit. There is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope to move forward and get back to a semi-regular relationship. Hopefully one day she will stop judging me. Fingers crossed.

'Nilla vs. Kinky

I was talking with my friend Platinum the other day. She is vanilla, but is so extremely open to hearing everything I talk about. Which is absolutely fantastic. I love her. I was worried the first time I mentioned rape, thinking that she would throw me out on the highway to get run over by a car going 120 miles per hour. Instead she listened and understood that it is a fantasy and that I don't condone real rape. I don't get why certain people don't get that. But anyway, she is an amazing friend. That is not what this blog is about though.

This blog is about sex. Everyone [well almost everyone] is having it. I don't understand why my kinky preferences are such a big deal. But, that isn't what this blog is about either. This blog is about vanilla sex. I don't understand it. I have it from time to time. I love it. Sometimes I crave it. However, I know I couldn't have it without the kinky things there too. I would find it boring. I have found it boring. My first relationship that included sex was a top/bottom [that is the only proper definition in my opinion] relationship. It included pain. So perhaps it couldn't even go as far as top/bottom but as far as sadist/masochist. [Once again, that is not what this blog is about either...] Then I had sex with a couple of guys before my Daddy. The guys in between were boring in bed. I always wanted more. I wanted pain, I wanted kinky. I know how great it is to take things slow and to not always be kinky, but I could not do it for very long. I get bored after a while. It is like my mind wanders to other things... [What was the homework for English?... Did you see what so-and-so was wearing today?... That was a horrible speech...]

Once again, this is me. I'm sure that if this is true for me, then the opposite must be true for others. I'm not saying that this is how it is, I'm saying this is how it is for me. I'm also not putting down vanilla sex. I love vanilla sex, in moderation. I love it when my Daddy and I are together and it isn't all kinky and naughty, it is something more soft. I feel like I have to qualify that with saying that kinky sex can be soft too, and that hard sex isn't always kinky. Sex is like the rainbow, there is so many different kinds. I am just giving my view on something...

Kinky Kollege Ko-ed

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Munching Away.

I went to a munch last night and I had a blast. I met a whole bunch of new people. It is always nice to meet new people in the community. I had a discussion with one guy about how the openness with certain people needs to be at different degrees. I had a thrilling talk about timezones. There was talk about college and school. Of course I used the word rape as many times as I could. I love being raped [consensually]. Mmmm. I want to be raped weekly. That is something that my Daddy and I will figure out in the future though.

It is so much fun getting raped by him! He is so strong that I can really get into the victim role. [Why are you biting yourself? :-P] I love being able to really struggle and hit and flail without worrying about hurting him and without worrying about being too strong. Mmmm, just thinking about how strong he is gets my panties wet. Well, they would be wet... if I was wearing any.

I am currently only wearing a bra. It is sort of hot outside, and my air isn't on. So I am only wearing a bra. Sometimes I throw the comforter over me though to warm up. I am weird about body temperature. I love blankets.

Anyway, this started with the munch, I really like the group of people there. I brought my 'nilla friend Platinum, she had a lot of fun too and made friends. She said it was sometimes strange because she didn't always know the terminology, but it's not like we sit around just talking about kinky things. So she really got into the conversations. When we left it was really nice because we got to talk about all the people. We talked about who we liked [pretty much everyone] and who we think is funny/smart/cute/totally bang-able.

We then got into a discussion that I want to blog about later, but I don't know how to write what I think properly yet. It is a fine conversation to have in person because I can talk through what I think, but I like to be a bit more concise when writing about a specific topic like that.

Kinky Friends

I was about to fall asleep last night when my phone vibrated, TEXT MESSAGE! I had already said goodnight to my Daddy, but we are in the middle of some important things so I thought perhaps it was him. It wasn't, it was Manhattan. For those of you who do not follow my other blog, Manhattan and I used to be best friends. She treated me poorly and walked all over me. I distanced myself from her and now we really don't talk... except about sex. Go figure... Usually I would not talk about sex, especially my sex life, with someone who I wasn't close with. It's not like you can go up to just anyone and say, my boyfriend choked me last night and it was WONDERFUL! However, out of the whole friendship that we had, something that I did realize is that I could trust her. So anyway, she texted me last night and asked if I had ever used a ball gag. The conversation spiraled into different things her boyfriend could spank her with and different things he could tie her up with.

I know it might sound silly, but I was so happy! *sing song voice* My friend is kinky... My friend is kinky... My friend is kinky... She may not realize it fully yet, and perhaps isn't at an experienced level, but then again, I'm not at an experienced level yet either. So, I just wanted to tell you. :D