WTF? Family...

So, I know that this blog is about all things kinky, but family is something that is apart of every relationship. My family is... strange. You can go back and read about when they interrogated my Daddy about our relationship when they found out we were dating. [Dubbed 'The Pow Wow] Some people who know me in real life know that my mother kicked me out in October. I came to live with my Daddy. Then I visited her for Thanksgiving and we agreed I would move back in January. Then two days after we agreed upon that she did some pretty drastic things and kicked me out again.

The only family member who knows the whole story is my [paternal] grandmother [and possibly my paternal grandfather]. To be honest, they are really the only family members I feel like I can count on. The rest of my family have pretty much deserted me. I moved, and they stopped talking to me. My birthday came and went with only two phones calls from family members. Christmas came and went, nothing from them. [I was spending Christmas with my paternal grandparents so obviously they were there for me]

Well, today was one of my cousin's birthday. She is young and doesn't deserve to be put in the middle of any family drama, so I called. Like I said, she is young so when I called her mother [my aunt] answered. My aunt was rude to me and quickly handed the phone off to my cousin. I didn't talk for more than a minute because they had family over for her birthday. It was a simple phone call, and yet I got off the phone fuming.

My aunt made a comment about how we hadn't talked in a while. She has made NO effort since my mother kicked me out. I called in the very beginning and would leave messages, but I refuse to be a beating horse. I will not continue to call when I won't get phone call back. Her fingers aren't broken, she couldn't call??? It all is very frustrating.

I talked to my Daddy about it and pretty much told him that I want to write them off. I have no desire to be apart of a family that does not care about me. I have friends and other family members [such as my paternal grandparents] who do truly care.

It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt though. It does hurt. I was always told that my family would always be there for me. But when I get an older boyfriend, bam, some of them start dropping off. My mother kicks me out, bam, the majority of the rest of them drop off. It does hurt. The only way I know to make it stop is to do what they've done to me, and write them off as family members.

My Kinky Life

I have written about my family before here, and how they found out about my Daddy and some of them know I am kinky. Before, when I was hiding my Daddy from them, I was sad and upset. I hate lying and I really hated hiding a part of myself from my mother especially. My mom and I are the only two people in my nuclear family. We were always really close and I pretty much told her everything. I knew there would come a time where I would not tell her everything, however it felt strange when it happened.

I was relieved when my mom found out about my Daddy and I, because it meant I could stop lying about where I was going and who I was talking to. However, I was only met with more hiding that I did not even consider before, my kinkiness. I feel like I want to talk to her, but I realize that she does not understand. She said something yesterday about how she doesn't think sex should be like how I have it. She made some comments about how she doesn't understand why it has to be like that every time. Then, when I tried to tell her that it isn't like that every time, she didn't want to listen because she doesn't want to know about my sex life. I will say, I don't want her knowing about my sex life either. However, I don't want her walking around believing things that aren't true.

I understand that she doesn't understand what I am doing. As much as I want to sit next to her and tell her how excited I am about things such as collaring, I know that she doesn't [and most likely will never] understand. It saddens me to a certain degree. It actually saddens me quite a bit. There is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope to move forward and get back to a semi-regular relationship. Hopefully one day she will stop judging me. Fingers crossed.

Acceptance.

I know that my sexual preferences are not the norm. Hell, to be honest, that is a draw for me. The taboo nature of some of it. Anyway. I never really planned on telling my family about my sexual preferences. I am open, don't get me wrong, but my family doesn't need to know that I like to be spanked and choked. However, after the relationship was out in the open with them, I swore to always tell the truth.

I was out to lunch and after some questioning my sexual preferences were out on the table. I was mortified. Like I said earlier, I never planned on letting my family in on what I like sexually. Whatever, what is done, is done. But now that brings me to my subject, accepting family.

I know that no matter what, I am accepting of my family. My family is made up of some twisted people. They have done some things that are wrong. Blatantly wrong. I still accept them as family though. That I think is why it irks me as how they judge me with my Daddy. It irritates me that they feel like they can pass judgement and not be accepting. I understand why they don't accept him, but they should accept my desire to be with him. *sighs* I feel like I am hitting my head up against a wall over and over again. I don't like the situation I am in. It is not me. There is so much drama, and I am such NOT a drama person. Just not me. I try to avoid it.

I don't know where I wanted to go with this. The whole subject gives me a headache to be honest...

The Truth Comes Out. PT 2

So, Socks and I picked up my Daddy from the airport and honestly, seeing him is just the best feeling in the world. Even under the unsavory circumstances I wanted to jump his bones right there. Kissing him soothes me. I can't say that all of my fears went away when our lips met [although that would be a great way to romanticize the situation], but I can say that my nerves did settle a little. The car ride was... weird. I knew it would be, but quite frankly I expected some grilling to begin there. Socks mainly stayed quiet. A couple syllables when I talked directly to him, but nothing to my Daddy mainly. They did exchange a brief little thing on how baffling it is on how certain restaurants can have buildings on every corner, but nothing about us.

We stopped for gas on the way home [literally on the corner of my street] and Daddy and I pumped and talked. It was something, only a few minutes, but it helped us be okay with walking into the lion's den. We arrived home, and I can't even put what I was feeling into words. It was FUCKING SCARY. Yes, I am even dropping a "f" bomb, that's how you know I was almost wetting my panties. We walked in the door and I introduced my Daddy to my family [Not as 'my Daddy' obviously. There is no reason for them to know about my kinks]. They were almost salivating to attack him. It was subtle things that I picked up on, and I'm sure he felt it. I will say, now looking back, it is amazing how many people showed up. I mean, I do have an amazing family that I know will drop things at a moment's notice to be there for me. Sure, it is a bit smothering and not needed in this situation, but they think it was needed, so... yeah...

I can't even remember all of what was said. Daddy and I sat together, fielding off question after question. I think that he was really amazing about it all. It is one of the reasons I love him, he cares for me. I know that might not make sense, but he truly cares for me. He came up for me. Everything that he said and did, made me fall deeper in love with him. I saw not only how much that he cared for me, but seeing him sit there and take all of the abuse just made me realize how much I cared for him. Some people in my family were more accepting than others. We didn't walk out of there with any double dates set up, but I do think that certain members of my family are looking to include him. They are trying, and they want what is best for me.

They don't understand a lot though. However, I can understand why they don't understand. Which leaves me in a weird place. They don't believe that I can understand them, but I really do. I don't think it is hard to understand their position. I do think it takes more time to understand certain things about our relationship though. There is a stigma [especially in my family] about meeting online. I am not ashamed of meeting my Daddy online. Do I wish we had met in a different way? Ummm... it is sort of hard for me to answer. I like how we had to connect online, and I don't think we could have done that in person. So I guess, no, I wouldn't want to meet him another way. Not to mention, I have no clue how the heck we could have met otherwise. Other members of my family don't understand the age difference. Which is once again, fine by me. His age is SUCH a turn on. Seriously, every time they said something along the lines of, "He is old enough to be your FATHER!!!!" my panties got a bit wetter. I LOVE that my Daddy is older than me. mmmm, seriously, even writing about it now, I want to pull out my little vibe. I will resist though... I need to finish this blog anyway...

Eventually everyone left though. Some of them were more okay with it than others. I think some people were warming up to the idea. I know no one left there saying that they wanted him to be his best friend, but I think in time they will see how amazing of a man he is, and that he loves me. So, it was my mom, him, and me at the end. We talked about the plan of attack. My Daddy is going to be moving to my city. Which was always plan A. I just got antsy. I give my mom props, I know she was trying to be as understanding as she could.

My Daddy and I then got some alone time. We sat in the living room and put Signs in the dvd player. Both of us knew that we would fall asleep, but falling asleep together was fine by both of us. We did end up falling asleep and woke up around 3:30. We finally ended up in the same bed. Shirts and pants discarded. My hand wandered beneath the covers feeling his cock through his briefs I knew that both of us were wanting each other. I pushed down the material, feeling the stiffness in my hand. I love playing with his cock. It's thick and hot. I couldn't resist too long and my mouth went around it. I knew that I wanted my fair share of his cum. It is delicious. After feeling his cock pulsate in my mouth and shoot his load, I relished in the gloriousness of having his cum in my mouth again. [okay, romanticized language, but totally the truth] I was quite content after that to curl up next to him and go to sleep. I love sleeping next to him. I can fully admit that I am spoiled, my Daddy is the BEST sleeping partner. I am completely biased, but that is okay.

We woke up today [Sunday] and once again, I felt his cock popping out of its cloth prison [too much?]. He wanted to be respectful, but I was waaaaay too horny. I begged and pleaded. We both wanted it, but we wanted to be respectful... However, I got on top of him and rode him to three orgasms. Every time I slide down on him after a little bit of an absence it is pretty much an instant orgasm though. Which is totally fine by me! He just fills me like nothing else. It was very vanilla. It was great though. Quick, but it got the job done. I can't speak for him, but I needed it. I needed the release. It was hard to be quiet, but I totally accomplished it!!! I was proud of that fact alone. Although he had a bit more hair than last time and when riding him it was rubbing against my clit and it was crazy intense. Very very nice. Mmmmm.

Then after a bit of post coital talking and such we got dressed. There was a bit of morning conversation over coffee with my mom. Nothing too intense. We ended up going back into the living room to finish watching Signs. I just love being next to him. I fit. We fit. My Daddy and I went out to lunch before dropping him off at the airport. It was nice to spend some more alone time together. I love him and we don't get to see each other as much as we would like right now, so it is nice to have those little lunches. Then when done, we drove to the airport. What a killer ride. I always hate that drive when dropping him off. I didn't cry [that much] though. I was proud of myself. Whenever I even started to tear up I just remembered him saying, "no fussing babydoll" and I fixed myself. It isn't that bad, I miss him don't get me wrong. I miss him like hell. I want to be with him. I know that we will be together soon though. I can live with this. I am happy that everything is out in the open. I am happy that I can be honest with everyone finally. I think that since people know I will have a bigger support network when I miss him and the such. Who knows. I know that I will see him in the next 60 days though. That's what matters, I can wait that long.

So, that was my weekend!!! How was yours? :P

The Truth Comes Out. PT 1

Alright, I took a nap. I am not saying that I will be writing this eloquently or any more clear than before, but I do have some sleep in me. So, let's start with the beginning...

My family did not know about my Daddy. At first it started off because there was really no need for them to know. We were talking and getting to know each other, but nothing was serious. Heck, even when we met for the first time, it was still not as serious as it is now. Then we fell in love, and our communication went up. I felt awful every time I had to lie. It was not my thing, I hate lying. But it was done because the age difference between my Daddy and I is 16 years, not something I am ashamed of [actually it is pretty darn hot if you ask me], but I was afraid that my mom would cut all the ways that I communicate with him. I know that may sound childish, I was relying on my mother to provide the lines of communication, but couldn't tell her who I was using them for. However, I have never said that in my mother's house, I don't rely heavily on her. I am not about to go into my financial situation and the ways that my paycheck get divided, but there is a reason that at 18 I do still have my mom paying for gas and my cell phone.

That is beyond the point though. My Daddy and I had discussed me moving. I had actually convinced him to let me move in with him. Now don't take that as he didn't want to, but he had his concerns and I was the one pushing for him to tell me that I could move down with him. So anyway, he did say yes and I was slated to move Saturday [yesterday]. I was having a friend drive me to the airport under the assumption that I was going shopping with her. There was a bit of a fight brewing at home because of some financial steps I had taken to move, so I chose not to deal with them another night, and left Friday night. I deviated from the plan. I left a note telling my mom that I was moving out. I really didn't give too much information besides that, I didn't want me moving to be ruined. She of course called me when she read the note, wanting answers. I picked up, ready to be unresponsive to her questions. I wanted to stop lying though, and eventually it came out that I was dating my Daddy. She begged me to come home and spend the last night before I moved away in my own home. I want to say that was my biggest mistake, but in reality, it was good.

I went home. My mom was crying when I went home, expectantly. She was begging me to stay, I was determined to leave. She was questioning me about my Daddy and I saw that one way or another, my mom was going to do everything in her power to keep me home. My uncles showed up one by one, each one of them bringing their own flavor of scary. The more that showed up, the more closed off I got. I had already made my decision. However, by the end of the night, they had convinced me to let Daddy meet the family before running off. So my Daddy made arrangements for his two dogs, and had a flight the next day. The agreement was that since the flights for me back on Sunday [today] were just too expensive, even with a transfer of my ticket, I would have a flight down there next weekend. THAT was the agreement.

The uncles left and it was just my mom and me at this point. She was crying and asking questions about him , which I was more than happy to answer. I was happy that he was no longer a secret to my family. My mom kept me up pretty late talking, which I was fine with. My Daddy got on his flight the next day, all was going fairly decent.

Saturday [yesterday] was a bit of a draining day emotionally. Before I went to the airport to pick up my Daddy, some family came over to grill me separately. They talked down to me, they belittled our relationship, and they were not understanding. All things I expected. They did it because they love me, and I understood that. So I took all of their questions, and answered them. I took all of their thoughts, and heard them. Not too much could be said though, I knew that their opinions would not be changed so quickly. I headed to the airport with one of my uncles, [His name will be Socks.] and he continued to grill me. He was concerned and all that good stuff. I liked the one on one aspect better than the goose at the roast situation that was at my house. I could answer questions better and keep my emotions in check. I didn't feel ganged up on, so I didn't have the guard up.

TO BE CONTINUED... [sorry mom wants to talk...]

The Secret's Out.

I don't know how to write this, or even what to say right now. To be honest, I am extremely exhausted and I know that anything I write, I will have to add onto. So I think for now I will just give the absolute basics and go back and fill later. I just need to write SOMETHING.

OKAY... Here goes nothing.

-No one in my family knew about my Daddy because of the way we met and my need for privacy on that. Also, I believed that my mom would freak and cut all communication.

-I was planning on going to live with him.

-My mom found out before I had a chance to jump on the plane.

-HUGE AND LOOOOOOOOONG family discussion with just my family and me.

-It is decided that my Daddy would come out and meet the family. And he did.

-Family grills my Daddy and me.

-Everything goes surprisingly better than originally thought.

-Daddy leaves.

Oh, and there was a blowjob and a quickie in there too. More later.