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Wednesday, March 3, 2010


So, sorry about the lack in posts the past couple of days. I know a handful of you follow me on twitter, so you'll know that I haven't been feeling well these past couple of days. I've let the blog suffer and I'm sorry about that.

Also, I wanted to unveil this when everything was ready, but... My blog is moving. :) I bought my own domain and hosting and everything. I thought that everything would be up and running already, but due to a bit of misinformation I had to restart yesterday. So hopefully by this weekend everything will be up and running.

I contemplated about doing The domain is available... However, jonsbabydoll is something that doesn't have all the anonymity in the world. It is how I identify myself online almost everywhere. So, in case I need more anonymity in the future, I needed to find a different domain name.

So, I thought and thought, and realized that I truly love blogging. I love sharing my life with you readers. All twelve of you. :) [No, it used to be twelve, I am extremely fortunate that my numbers are increasing. Thank you so much for reading] I have gotten emails from people who read my blog, and with each one I am truly touched.

So, my new domain is It fits the very essence of who I am. As of now it is not up yet. So don't worry, I won't leave you behind. Everything will be forwarded there and I'll be excited and everything will be new. :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

RTT - Books

Jodi Picoult is an amazing writer. The first book I read of hers was My Sister's Keeper. Due to the fact that I have had a few family members with cancer, I know the terminology really well. She did her research and her characters were real and not just one dimensional. That's what I love about her. Her books continue to have real characters. So that's why she is on this list twice. She's fabulous and I will continue to read everything that she puts out.

Here's another Picoult book. Since moving in with Daddy I haven't really kept up with her, so I've fallen behind. Bad reader me!!!

Here's one that just looked interesting. I like books that revolve around M/s dynamics. It looks like a good read.

I am verrrrrry passionate about sex ed in schools. I will definitely be reading this book, whether I find some library that has it or order it. I think it would be an awesome book to add to my collection. :)

Doc Johnson's Pleasure Ball Review

So, Doc Johnson's Pleasure Ball is something that I have been procrastinating on reviewing. I haven't procrastinated on using it, just reviewing it. It's because I think it is slightly strange, which is the exact reason I gave SixtyNineSecrets as to why it would be a great product for review.

It's just not the usual kind of vibrator. It is extremely discreet in terms of looks. You could definitely leave this out if company was coming over and no one would think twice. It would be a huge plus if you have roommates, or still live at home with parents, or if you just don't like obvious looking sex toys. It is made of TPR and plastic and is about the size of a softball. The TPR is the lighter color [mine is lavender] and that is where the button is that will turn your ball on and switch it through the vibration speeds. You can use all sorts of lube with this, but I don't really see the need because you aren't inserting this toy. After you are finished using your ball cleaning is easy, just soap and water or toy cleaner. Storage-wise, you can throw this in a drawer or your toy bag without much worry. It doesn't pick up fuzzies or anything [which is a huge plus for me personally].

It's also pretty quiet. It is a little bit louder than a cell phone vibrating. If you have some light music or the television playing you wouldn't be able to hear this outside of a closed door. It is on the lower end of medium when it comes to sound.

Now onto the good stuff... The vibrations are actually fairly good on this ball. When you turn it on [just a push of the button] the vibrations start out fairly strongly. You push the button again to get it to the second speed. The second speed is what I consider a high medium for most vibrators I've tried. Push the button again to get to the third and final speed. The final speed has some oomph behind it. Press the button once more to turn the ball off.

So, now onto the using aspect... This is what was strange. The vibrations are strong, when I am holding the ball in my hand I can feel the vibrations so well. When I am using it for pleasure, it just fails to hit that right spot; at least in the conventional way. I usually masturbate on my back or when sitting in a computer chair [yay internet porn...]. When I tried using my pleasure ball on my back or while sitting it just didn't do anything for me. I couldn't get into it. However, this isn't a regularly shaped vibrator, so I had to change my regularly depended on positions. I sort of straddled the ball, and turned it on the highest vibrations, then scooted down more into a more of a laying down [on my stomach] position. This seemed to be the best position for me. It was slightly strange, and it took a while, but it worked eventually.

However, while it may take a while to get off using this, it is great for massages. The vibrations are a bit buzzy for massages, but when you are giving a sensual massage to get your partner in the mood, the type of vibrations rarely matter. The vibrations can be felt through the whole ball, so no matter how you are rolling it, you are getting the vibrations. It is pretty awesome for this.

So while I don't think I'll be using it too often for my own pleasure, it definitely adds to the start of sexy twosome pleasure.

Oh! And as a side note, this is completely waterproof. So splish splash, have some fun in the bath! Water fun just isn't my thing, so this isn't my cuppa tea for that, but if you adore playing in the tub or shower, this is water approved!

So, head on over to SixtyNineSecrets to pick one up for yourself. Or look at other vibrators that they offer.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Dating and Fucking

I have dated three people in my life. I have never been a fan of dating. I always thought that those people in high school who bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend were sort of silly. I mean, I have always understood that dating was a trial for marriage. Really, that is what dating is for in my mind. [Or spending the rest of your lives together as I know some people don't believe in marriage]

My first boyfriend was when I was a freshman. We dated for over a year and a half. I've talked about him here before. He was the abusive one. While I didn't love him, and looking back I don't think I thought I would marry him. However, it was a relationship that [for high school standards] was long. At the time maybe I did think marriage was in our future... However, it wasn't something that just passed the time.

My second boyfriend was one of my best friends. He was a really great guy that I definitely could have seen a future with. However, we were HORRIBLE as a couple. Seriously, we were awful. We dated for around six months. It was an awful relationship, but we went to being best friends afterward. I didn't date him for 'something to fill my time with'. I thought there was a great possibility for a future.

My third [and hopefully final] boyfriend is, you guessed it, my Daddy! Obviously I believe [and hope with all my heart] that we will have a future. We have talked about the future. [Including the Tiffany's locking necklace that would make a beautiful 'wedding' collar... ehem...] We have talked about kids. We have talked long term.

So, many of you may be confused, because I have had more partners than boyfriends. That's because I put value on the term boyfriend. I have had fuck buddies. I have guys [and girls] I can call up if I want to fuck or play around. So many people I know would call those people boyfriends or girlfriends to feel better about hooking up with them. I am much more honest. If I don't see a future with us but still want to hook up? That's awesome, we can be fuck buddies.

I've had people look down upon me because I mess around with people who I am not in a relationship with. I laugh, because the people look down upon me for this almost always are the same people who have a different boyfriend/girlfriend every week who they fuck. Just because they fuck within a 'relationship' it is apparently okay. Even when that relationship has a shelf life of two weeks. It baffles me. It really does.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

HNT - a peak

Ice Cream Cravings.

So, I have talked here about my family before. They don't really like my Daddy... Argh, it is frustrating. However, they also see that I've been with him for a while and he loves me and supports me. So, it's getting better.

My mom still says things though. I mean, I'm 19. I'm sure she didn't expect me to be in such a serious relationship at this age. Especially with an older man. So, she is handling it very well considering. She has gotten much better over time. She used to be... well her actions were sort of indescribable. She was definitely not open to it and did/said some awful things.

She has gotten much better though as I have said. Really she keeps her comments to a minimum. However every now and then she does say things. Last night I called her when I was walking to the convenience store. I went to go get some ice cream because I really wanted some. So when she asked what I was doing I told her. Her response? "Are you taking your birth control? Are you pregnant?".

Ummmm???? No. I just want some ice cream...

Since when has wanting ice cream meant being pregnant?


Whatcha gunna do?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Sick Slave Girl

Since moving I have realized my immune system has not been kicking ass as much lately. I get headaches much easier and my stomach gets upset easier, just all around aches come around more often. It could be from the weird weather right now [going from 40s to 70s, rainy then sun then cold] or it could be from lack of things to do. Okay, I know that sounds weird but it has been a thought in my head recently.

Whenever I had a stomachache or a headache or some sort of sickness before, I still had work or school. Unless the sickness was major, I still had to get up and do my duties. Because I'm unemployed and my classes are online, I really can wallow in my sickness. I can take naps and baby myself. I'm not saying it's bad, because I'm taking care of my body obviously, but it is different.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and got sick. It made for a restless night. I was tossing and turning and it just wasn't pleasant. When I woke up around 10 I could feel my body pulsating and aching. I would do somethings then doze on the couch, do somethings, then doze. I finally realized that perhaps taking an actual nap would help. So at 1:30ish I went to take a nap, and didn't wake up until after 5:30. Over 4 hours. That definitely tells you that I needed some rest. However when I woke up some of the aches were still there. Which stinks, but oh well. It is a much different way that I am approaching my maladies these days. If I found a job I know that I would start handling them the old way again. I wouldn't baby my body, I would just force myself to work through it. It's just different

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

E[Lust] #8

HNT Courtesy of Blue-Eyed Vixen

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #9? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and Rape - The very basic principle that we hold so dear in BDSM play, “Nothing without consent” seems to stand in stark contrast to a very common form of play, “Rape Play”.

Half-Full - When I get my ass beaten, is it as much for the sensation as it is for the “Good girl…I knew you could take that for me.” that I want so badly at the close of the scene?

House Party Part 2 -His wife walked by at one point and he cryptically asked her to "do what she did to so-and-so earlier". His wife disappeared behind me, but I felt her hands touching me and his cock as it entered me.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Backseat Orgasms - We kissed lightly and without focus, both a sensual act and maddening at the same time. More, I needed more. In a blur I was on my knees on the seat, straddling his leg, his mouth latched onto one nipple and his fingers hunting for the key to undoing my dress pants.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Are You Watching Me? - A plan of devious proportions begins to form. Before this is over with, I will have forced you into a corner…forced you to act…forced you to give ME what I want.

See also: Pleasurists #64 and 65 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A story of FL



Floor Exercises

Good day for a milking


G-Spot Orgasms Galore - Part 2



Mark. Confession #423


Nothing says I love you quite like...

Playful and Dangerous

Play your part


Splish Splash

The Library Hotel

The Secret I Couldn't Keep

Triple X

Three A.M. Surprise

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)

Better Cautious Than Raped

Lingerie Tales Vol 1 An Obsession Begins

My life as a gamer's slave


Saturday Texting

So Simple

The Elusive Female Orgasm

The G Spot Mouse or How To Make A Woman Squirt

Transtastic: On Language

Kink & Fetish

A No Limits Slave?

Are Discipline and Punishment The Same?

BDSM Advice Series: Pet Play

Bondage 101—Part 1: Bondage Basics

Breaking the Demons

Dark/DirtyBlog Crush

Factory Doll

Hand vs. toys

I'm on a book cover: 'The Punishment List' by Abel


Men as sex objects

Rough Porn

Raleigh and La Fortress

Savouring the texture of my skin with his teeth

The Way They Look At Me

The Slut Chronicles #13 ~ The Auction

Whither the spankosphere?

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Happy Valentines Day!

Hookers, Catholic School Students and Facebook

Lane Bryant Makes Puppies and Kittens Cry

Pussy Cosmetics and Vagina Myths

RTT - Shoe Edition

Pink and white!!! I love wedges. I never really have done well with other types of heels. I always end up flat on my face. I used to be able to walk amazingly in heels when I was in 6th-9th grade. Then some horrific thing must have happened because I couldn't anymore... weird right?

Aren't these just cute? I feel like I could wear them to a picnic or something. :)

Juicy. Mmm. Wedges. Sandals. Juicy. It can't get any better.

Shoes shoes shoes!!! Pink and wedges. With polka dots!!! I'm in love.

Monday, February 22, 2010


Okay, so I love my readers, yes, YOU!!! I love you. Not in the creepy way, because I don't know most of you in real life. Anyway, that's not what most of you care about. You care about the details of this fabulous contest that I am holding. Okay, maybe not so fabulous for me, but definitely fabulous for the winner!

So, what is this contest exactly?

Well, it really does benefit me as much as it benefits you. I like people reading my blog. I know, I'm selfish like that. So I figured a contest would help me gain a few more readers. Some may think this is not cool, but I'm not requiring that you stay after the contest, but who knows, you may like here enough that you do stay. [That is my hope at least] So, my likes are satisfied because I gain more readers and your likes are satisfied because you get... a 25 dollar gift card to edenfantasy!!!!!

Whoa, 25 dollars???

Alright, it's not that much. However, it is enough to buy one favorite toys [at the moment] the gspot caress . It's also better than nothing! Not to mention, really does have some fabulous toys for less than 25 dollars. They have a great selection process for narrowing down toys so you can find something you want. Also, EF has other stuff besides toys, like lingerie. Not to mention, EF has great prices. Seriously, they do.

Okay, enough chat about that, how about the details of how to enter???

There are many ways to enter.

1- comment on this post. You can tell me why you need the gift card, why you read my blog, why you haven't read my blog, why you will continue to read my blog, what you would do with the 25 dollars, why you deserve it, what your dog's name is, it doesn't matter. The content of the comment won't be judged, just the fact that you do comment.

2- Tweet about the contest. It doesn't hurt if you follow me either... Just make sure to use the hashtag #JBD and link to my site - Your tweet will count once a day, so you can retweet every day for up to seven entries!

3- Follow me. If you already follow me, you are automatically entered for this part. I have the handy button over there in the right hand side bar, so it's super easy to follow me.

Here comes the big entry part!

4- You can comment on three separate posts a day. From any month. Of course you can comment on more posts, but only three a day [on separate posts] will be counted. Which means that this can earn you three entries a day, for seven days, [Your comment on this post does not count for your three posts for today]

Alright, so let's say you did everything that was laid out above. You would have 30 entries!!!! That's pretty darn amazing. I know it may be a bit time consuming, but your 30 entries might beat out someone with only fifteen. I'm not saying you have to do everything. Someone who just comments on this could be the lucky winner, you never know. You don't have to do everything listed above. Like I said, I have motives for hosting this to get more readers. By encouraging you to read some of my later stuff you get to see my journey better and may be more interested in sticking around. :)

The contest will end Sunday, Feb 28th at midnight EST.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Future... of this blog

So, as many of you know, I don't have a job. I take a couple of classes, but nothing too serious. Which means my days are pretty open at the moment. Which is great for being a slave, because I can devote my time to chores and making sure things are running smoothly in the house. However, I still do productive things that do not pertain to the house, such as writing reviews. Also, this blog. I have had this blog for a while, and in the beginning it was more for my [and my Daddy's] use. I know a few of you have been around since then, it was definitely readable to an outside reader. However, I wasn't about the readers.

Now? Well, now I am more involved in the blogging community. If you look over to the right hand side bar you will see about 20 blogs that I read every single post they make. I am always looking for more blogs to read as well. I try to comment on their posts, I follow them on twitter, I genuinely like reading what they have to say. I still post for myself, it is nice to have something that captures my journey, but I also feel like I write for you, the reader. Some of my posts are meant for others to read, such as my post about Doctors. I feel like I have a [albeit small compared to other blogs] following. I have more followers now, and in a couple days there will also be something especially nice for you readers.

So, where is this blog going? I think it is a good question to ask. I will tell you my goals. I want people to read my blog. I like knowing that people either find me helpful, entertaining, or just a good read. In the coming weeks I plan on moving to my own domain. I want to change my layout and cannot do so with the blogger templates. I am really excited about this. I think it'll give my blog a bit more oomph.

So, stay tuned. We are going on a ride.

Friday, February 19, 2010


Ever put on a song and remember the good times that relate to it? One song that will always bring up memories no matter when I hear it is "I Write Sins not Tragedies" by Panic! at the Disco. It came out my freshman year of high school. Oh man, that was THE song.

It came on my IPOD the other day and I have been obsessed with listening to it ever since. My best friend and I had a whole dance that we would do to the song. We had the same gym hour so we would both bring our IPODs to gym class and press play at the EXACT SAME TIME so we could do our dance while walking around the track. Looking back, those were some really fun times.

Her and I were in a group of close knit friends, we dubbed ourselves MAC since all of our first initials were either M, A, or C. When we got together, music was a staple. P!atD was always a part of the playlist. We had some great great times.

We all drifted apart. Which happens in high school. We all [minus one] are all friends on facebook. We keep in touch, but really don't *talk* anymore. One of them I would still consider a close friend [the one who was my best friend back then]. However, time allows other things to drift in between us. I remember swearing that we would be friends forever. I remember the promises to be each other's bridesmaids. I remember the nights that we were all each other had. Now, those are memories. If I needed someone in the middle of the night I would call on my Daddy or my best friend [who wasn't a part of MAC, but I did know my freshman year of high school]. I wouldn't call on them to be my bridesmaids [or as we joked for the guys, bridesmales]. It is sad and strange how time changes things. I think we all knew in our hearts that we would drift apart. It happens with most people. It's sad. But things change.

I will always have the memories though. I will have have P!atD. I will be able to close my eyes and see us dancing away on the gym track. I will carry that with me through life. Maybe that's all we can ask for. Great memories...

Review- Between the Sheets Game.

The wonderful sex toy website, was kind enough to send me the Between the Sheets erotic game. I was really excited to get this game. It was actually the first erotic game that I have ever used.

The box was really nice. The purple was nice, and would fit on any shelf with Monopoly or Trouble.

Now onto the not so good parts. Because, sadly, the box is the only nice part. It is advertised as a board game. Which, when I think of a board game I think of something like Monopoly or Trouble. This is more like Twister. There is a plastic 'sheet' that is supposed to go on top of your bed. There is even a spinner [just like in Twister] that instructs you which limb to move.

The instructions are really really poorly written. They are only on the box, no instructions once you open the box. AND, that the instructions on the box are really poorly written. So when I opened the box, I was expecting there to be more instructions.

Here is how you play though. You lay the sheet down on your bed and you and your partner start on other sides of the sheet/bed. There is sixteen hearts with 'instructions' written on them. The instructions are very simple and straightforward. There are 8 separate instructions, which means the instructions are doubled.

So, you spin the little dial and it tells you which limb to move and how many spaces [1 or 2]. The only thing is that there is no path, so it is confusing where you start. It is advertised as also promoting kinky positions. This really confuses me because it doesn't really do anything kinky, really any positions...

The game takes about... ten minutes. And it is weird. It asks you to bite your partner's earlobe, suck their toes, and fondle an erogenous zone. It's strange. I played it once, and it led to more laughter than anything sexy. I played it again, trying to figure out how to make it more sexy, but it really was just annoying.

Okay, so here's the lowdown.

Pros- the box, it can be played by couples of any gender combo [MM, MF, FF]

Cons- No instructions, strange game, not sexy, really quick play.

So, I really wouldn't recommend this game, but I am really glad that I got to try it out. Go check out the other toys/games/fun naughty things as

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A non kinky rant

I am taking some online classes right now so I can have some credits under my belt. I'm not going to lie, it is a little frustrating not to be in school, but at least this way I am doing ~something~. Anyway, one of the classes I am taking is a psychology course.

Today I tried doing an assignment for TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!! Either I was doing the assignment repeatedly or trying to talk to someone about the assignment. Because it was online, I would do the assignment [four times] and it wouldn't take. So I tried the online help desk, after transferring around for over twenty minutes they told me they couldn't help me. So I called the help desk, but after being on hold for thirty minutes, I was told to contact the teacher.


It is so freaking frustrating. I hate feeling nonproductive. It's pretty much wasted three hours of my day. GARGH!!!!

HNT - Lollipop?

May I offer you a lollipop?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Question from Twitter

The wonderful, beautiful, amazing, fantastic, smart, and every other positive adjective Bubbles [also known as Willfulenslaved [on twitter] and Willfulenslavement [on FetLife]] asked me a question on twitter for this blog. Which I am more than happy to answer. Mostly because I would answer any question she gave me, but also because I hadn't written anything here yet today. So she gets a golden star sticker for that one!

So, onto the question. She asked my thoughts on this statement- "everyone should just run around naked".

I agree that everyone should run around naked! Minus weather conditions, once we are inside or in a climate that permits nudity, I think that everyone should be naked. I think it would breed a lot more self confidence, or at least a lot less self consciousness.

Every single one of us has imperfections with our bodies- except Heidi Klum. [Sorry, but she is just ~drools~]. Okay, fine, even the perfect Heidi Klum has imperfections. Seriously, if you were to ask Heidi Klum, she would probably tell you that her toes are too long or something. Because we all have something that isn't 'perfect' about us. Embracing them, and showing those imperfections off can be freeing though.

Okay, so, I am overweight. So most people think that my 'imperfection' is my thighs or something, which yeah, they totally are imperfect, but my real imperfection? My arms. Seriously. My upper arms are HUGE. They are waaaaaay bigger than the rest of my body. They are completely out of proportion to the rest of my body. I am so self conscious about them. You will rarely see them not cropped out of pictures, or strategically placed, or situated perfectly. However, when I am naked, all of that goes away. Especially if I'm naked with a bunch of people.

When are naked with a group of people there is this... electricity about. You can't hide the extra roll of fat, or the beauty mark that you always want to hide, or the scar on your stomach, or anything. You are all out there. It is awesome. Once you are naked with someone you feel connected to them somehow. Imagine if clothes were optional? That would be awesome.

So, let's get naked. Join me?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

FetLife Greeter

So, I got a fabulous tidbit of information this Sunday, that I wasn't allowed to talk about until now. I 'applied' to be a FetLife greeter a couple weeks back when they were looking for some new ones to ad to the already great list of greeters. I was told this Sunday that I was accepted. I literally 'whooped' and danced in my chair when I got the message. I was told that I couldn't say anything until all the other new greeters were informed.

Of course I was able to tell my Daddy, and I talked about it for probably a hour straight. I'm pretty sure he is tired of hearing about it actually. I also texted another greeter who I know personally and knew that she wouldn't tell anyone. Also, she would have been able to see that I joined the greeters if she knew to look. So I figured I wasn't breaking any huge rule there.

I am really looking forward to starting. I love FetLife, and anyway that I can contribute to the site I will. :)

So, I just wanted to share the good news. Awesomeness right???

RTT- Aprons

This is just too cute. I love the blue and green. It is sort of simple while still looking cute.

The pink and black design caught my eye. I like the nice sash that it has round the middle. I feel like this is a bit more flashy and upscale. It looks nice.

This has a very 1950s feel to me. I like it. The design is cute and not overpowering. I don't like flower power on fabrics, because some times it can look cheap or too matronly. I like that this is just down at the bottom.

Simple black apron. This would totally rock out for everyday use. I like the simple white trim, gives it a little extra oomph while still being simple enough for everyday.

Red with pink polka dots. This would be perfect for cute little shindigs. You know, like backyard BBQs. I can walk around with a platter of chocolate dipped strawberries. :D Like a good hostess.

Cute Hello Kitty Apron. This would just be for personal use. Com'mon, it's adorable.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Why I am a No Limits Slave

Something that always gets people all in a huffy on FetLife, is the 'no limits' slave. Some people seem to think that there is no such thing as a no limits slave. Then, there are others [like me] who are no limit slaves.

The biggest argument on the side of those who think that no limits slaves don't exist, is that we all have SOME LIMITS!!! After all, we wouldn't shoot our mothers would we????

Okay, see this annoys me. Because, the thing about being a slave, is that I chose my Master. I chose a Master who wouldn't ask me to kill my mother. It was a long journey to becoming a slave. I learned what my Daddy wants from me, and what he expects from me. I wouldn't become a slave for someone who would ask me to kill someone.

I had limits when we started out, because when we started out, I wasn't a slave. I had a no masks limit. He doesn't like masks either, so when I did become his slave, I knew I wouldn't have to worry about masks. He doesn't like them, and I am deathly afraid of them. Although, if tomorrow he came home and had a mask in hand, I would accept that it was his decision. Because he owns me.

A funny thing I heard in a discussion once, was that all of us slaves who are no limits, aren't really because if a random person came up off the streets and told us to drive a nail through our we wouldn't do it, so we have limits.

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am a no limits SLAVE. Which means I have no limits with my Daddy, because I'm his SLAVE. I have no obligations to anyone else. I think it is the most absurd argument against no limit slavery I've ever heard.

I have no limits with one person, that is the person I am enslaved to, my Daddy. Because he wants me to be as good as I can be. He wants me to be both mentally and physically healthy, because I would be a useless slave otherwise. I found someone who cares about me and who had dislikes that matched up with mine. That way I knew that he wouldn't ask me to be his scat slave, because scat is one of HIS limits. Just because I am a no limits slave doesn't mean he is a no limits Daddy.

My Valentine's Day.

So, I made my confessions yesterday. Well, I bet all of you are wondering how my Valentine's Day went. Or not, but whatever. I'm going to tell you anyway. So, get interested.

We both slept in. Which was nice enough in itself. You see, I always sleep in. It is the one plus side to being jobless. However, my Daddy doesn't have the greatest hips, and when he is awake, he is awake. No drifting in and out. Just, awake. Boo for him. But today, he slept in with me, which must have been the day's way of being nice to me from the start.

He went shopping first thing in the morning [groceries]. And I primped while he was gone. Shaving and doing my hair, and of course the all important lip gloss. I will have to blog about my lip gloss at a later point. *makes mental note*

The coolest thing though was putting on the corset I got especially for today. It's pink and really pretty and I love it. He arrived home and gave me roses [pink], a big heart chocolate sampler, and a white teddy bear. I couldn't stop smiling. Sure, everything screamed Valentine's Day, but they were from him and I couldn't stop grinning!!! I felt like the most special girl in the world. He apologized for the generic gifts [he said I'm always home so it's hard to buy a gift and put it someplace when I'm always around] but I didn't even care. I loved them so much because they were from him. And because he didn't forget about Valentine's Day.

We chilled a bit, then he started pawing at me and we took the action into the bedroom. I went down on him, he went down on me, then we fucked. It was simple, but really nice. We laid together for a bit and chatted.

We finally mustered up the energy to get up and did our own thing on our separate computers. But somehow, it was just perfect. Why? Because it is just like every other day. I firmly believe that we show each other we love each other every day. We don't need to focus on each other today, because we focus on each other EVERY DAY.

Although he did let me order pizza today. Win for me! I love pizza. Which also meant I could order chocolate lava cake. Which is the best dessert ever. Sooooo good.

It was really a simple day, and minus the gifts [I got him a 'slut' paddle, a bit gag, the corset (which are all used on me :D) and the Austin Powers gift set], it was like all other days. Which makes me happy with our relationship. Because, we express our love every day, so the day you are 'supposed to' doesn't feel any different for us. I am extremely lucky.

It is by far the best Valentine's Day ever. Not because of the gifts, because I have gotten the chocolates and flowers before, but because I was spending it with him. And because it made me truly appreciate how much we do love each other every single day.

:) Definitely a Valentine's Day win.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Pre-Valentine's Day Confessions

Alright, so this is actually something really hard for me to write, but I figure that there are other people out there who can relate. I have some confessions to make.

I have never been in love before my Daddy. Sure I dated. I even dated a guy for over a year, but never loved him. The words were never exchanged nor were the feelings there. I have had boyfriends over Valentine's Day before. I've gotten candy, flowers, and bracelets. I've always been unimpressed with the holiday. To me, it seems like a holiday that forces romanticism. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed the gifts, dinners, and cards, but I don't like the thought of expressing your love tenfold on a certain day. I've always believed that you should treat your other as if Valentine's Day is everyday.

Granted, I never really had a person that I felt a deep level of love for. So, this Valentine's Day, sort of feels like my first. It is the first time that I can say that I actually want something from the day. The other times, it never really mattered what happened, because I didn't really care about the person. But I love my Daddy, and I want something this Valentine's Day.

The thing is... I don't know what I want. I don't think I really care what I get, but I want it to be thoughtful. To be honest, a stuffed animal or some slippers would mean more to me than some flower, but then again, if the flowers were from him I would love them just as much.

I'm scared though. I'm scared that he won't do anything. And that thought makes me want to cry. Seriously, like I think about it and tears start to form in my eyes. How lame is that???

My thoughts haven't changed so much though. I still think that you should treat your other like every day is Valentine's Day, and that we don't need a day to force romanticism. However, a day that you can focus a little more on your special person? Well... that can't be all that bad.

So, stay tuned and see how I feel about 'my first real Valentine's Day'. Fingers crossed that it is good.

My life as a gamer's slave.

My Daddy is a gamer. He plays video games for hours and hours on end. His favorite is Eve, a computer game that has spaceships and an economy. Although if he likes a PS3 game, he can be at that for hours too, he is a nondiscriminatory gamer.

It has definitely affected me as his slave.

When I first moved in, he let his Eve membership [it is a game you pay for monthly] lapse. We spent every night together, mostly watching tv. But we were together in each other's arms. We cuddled and found something to do. I will admit, it was really nice. I actually didn't know that he was as dedicated of a gamer as he is. The sneaky guy hid it well!

Well, about three months after moving in, he decided it was time to restart his Eve membership. I figured he would play a couple of evenings a week. I didn't really expect it to change anything. When he first started and it was every night, I brushed it off as he was just excited to play again. However, when it continued to be every night, I got to be a bit jealous of the game. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. I wondered if he was playing to get away from me.

I ended up resenting the game. That's right, I was resenting an inanimate object. I felt so cool. Every time that he said that he was going to play, my blood would boil. I probably made a snide comment or two as well. Maybe not too his face, but they were flying in my head.

Finally, one night I ended up saying something. It was when we were in bed, and it wasn't something nice, I'm sure. To be honest I cannot really remember what was said. However, I remember what he said. He told me that Eve was his way to relax. He likes his games. And the biggest one of all, I was invited into the office when he was playing.

I didn't really know that before. I know it sounds silly, but we only had one desk, so I thought he went in there to be alone. He corrected that and said I was more than welcome to bring my laptop, or a book, or just myself in the room when he was playing. I was relieved to find out he wasn't running away from me.

So after that I would bring my laptop into the office and sit on the floor doing my own thing while he played. Even though we weren't playing together, we were in the same room. We could share a laugh over something, or just a quick peck easily because we were in the same room.

Although, sitting on a hardwood floor for hours on end just isn't comfortable. So a couple weeks ago we ordered a desk for me, and a chair. We finally set it up today, it took a while, but it is done. I am loving it. We are both able to do our thing COMFORTABLY!!!!! I am really excited about this.

So, it has definitely been a journey to this point. I used to really dislike him playing his games, and now... I sort of look forward to it. We both do our own thing, but we are doing it together. That's the important thing, spending time together. :) So, life as a gamer's slave is a good one.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Rant. Be Warned.

So, I want to be a teacher. To be specific, I want to be a high school English teacher. There are tons of reasons behind my future career path. I will have summers off and will have the same vacations as my children. [When I have children] The pay is good. Seriously, teachers are paid for nine months out of the year. Plus all those vacations. And the state that I work in, I would be making around 40,000 right as soon as I graduate with a bachelors. When I get my Masters I will be making at least 60,000. Then with raises and experience, your pay increases. The pay is good.

Anyway, this rant isn't about people not realizing that teaching isn't the shit pay that so many people think.

This rant is about those people who are always so confused when I tell them I am going to be a teacher. They always say, "but you are so smart, why are you going to be a teacher????".


Yes, I am intelligent. Yes, I pride myself on getting As. Yes, I am proud that I scored a 30 on my ACTs. Yes, I am proud of being as smart as I am. I am also proud that I am going to use my smarts to better our future children.

I have a passion for teaching. In my education class, I was excited to go and learn. I want to be the best teacher.

Today, I had someone who doesn't have a degree and makes around 16,000 a year talk down to me, because he thought that being a teacher would be an easy job. It pissed me off. If it was so easy, why don't you go do it??? I am not talking down to people who don't have degrees or don't make a lot of money. But don't think that you can talk down to me.

It pisses me off that people think what they do about teachers. I agree that some people shouldn't be teachers. I agree that some people get into it because they think it'll be easy. I agree that there are shit teachers out there. That's why we need to change legislation to make it so you need a Masters to even start teaching. Not only will this keep people who are just doing it because it is 'easy' out of our school systems, but it will ensure better teachers!!! While yes, it would probably raise taxes because every single teacher's salary would be higher, it would be worth it to have the people who will be running our hospitals, government, and companies smarter. Because if your teachers are better, the students will be better too.

Okay, end rant. Will post kinky stuff later...

HNT - Pink for V-Day?

Pink panties and pink and purple socks!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Results of my me day.

So, when I asked if I could have a 'me' day, Daddy said yes. I was immediately thrilled. I also immediately had the urge to clean. Go figure right???

So I did the dishes and cleaned the bathroom a bit. I knocked some sense into myself while doing the bathroom and managed to stop myself after that. I think it is funny that when I am told I can take a day off of cleaning and caring for the house I immediately want to clean. I'm weird like that.

So I relaxed. It was nice. I finished some leftovers that I have been wanting to. They were delicious. I took time and made myself happy.

Daddy came home though and I was a bit snippy with him though. I made a snide comment at something he said and ended up in the bedroom alone [with the cat] while he made dinner. I felt bad for how I said what I said, but not for the reasoning behind what I said. I explained that at dinner and he understood.

So, onto other things that happened tonight... With the comment from earlier out of the way and everything going as usual, Daddy started playing his MMORPG, I think that's the acronym. He started playing a game, let's say. We talked for a moment and I asked a question [I genuinely don't remember what it was] but he said that we were forced into living together and that's not how either of us wanted things right now, etc etc. We continued the conversation, then it ended.

I went into the bedroom and started thinking [this can be hazardous, so watch out!]. I went back into the office and asked if we could talk. I know that we were forced into this situation. My mother made this happen. It is something I have come to terms with though, and it seemed like he hadn't. Like he resented me living here with him. So I told him that my mother and I are on better terms [which is the truth] and I would try and go back to her if that's what he wanted.

I think he was shocked. He knows that going back with her is the last thing I want. She tried to physically hurt me the last time I saw her, so he knows that it would take A LOT for me to go back. He said he would never want me to do that and why I would say something like that. I was honest and laid it out that I felt that's what he wanted. That he didn't want me here. That he loved me more when we were further apart. He disputed everything and told me how much he loved me. How in love with me he is. He told me that he loves having me here. He comforted me and built me back up. I feel like we are in such a better place. I feel like I was in a funk without even knowing it before. I feel cleansed.

I am so happy that he loves me. I am so blessed to have him be my Daddy. I am so lucky that not only does he love me, but he is in love with me. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

I Declare...

Today, will be...

A me day!!!

That's right. A me day. I get to lounge around. I get to watch movies that I want to watch. I get to eat what I want to eat. I get to do pretty much nothing [except the dishes because those need to get done...]. I am going to love it!!!

If Daddy lets me...

See that's the thing about me declaring things, I really don't get to declare them. I have to run them by him first. That is really how I like it. I hope that he will be okay with it though. Fingers crossed!!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

RTT - Tinkerbell

Tink tote. Pink! Tink! Adorable!

Tink Figurine. I love Tink's attitude.

Tinkerbell gem bag. It's more simple. I like it.

Tink Necklace. It looks adorable, com'mon!

Monday, February 8, 2010

This is my body.

So, I touched on the topic of my weight a few blog posts back. It was somewhat weird to write about. Mostly because I don't like talking about my weight. It is a part of who I am, and I am not ashamed, but I still don't like talking about it.

Mostly because I feel like a hypocrite.

I love my body, but I used to have an eating disorder.

It's something I've never talked about. Never fully. I've never sat down with anyone and explained it all. I was asked a question on formspring [link goes to my tumblr answer] about the kindest thing someone has done for me. I wanted to answer truthfully, which brought up a SMALL slice of my eating disorder pie.

I talked about losing weight about a month or so ago. My Daddy for some reason remembered that yesterday and asked me to keep a food journal because it'll help monitor what I eat and help me know what I can improve. I agree, it can... but... It is also a trigger for me. I have never talked about my eating disorder with him. Never. I made mention once or twice in passing, but I don't think he knew how serious it was. Most people don't because I'm still curvy. Most people only think that the emaciated girls are the ones with eating disorders.

I don't know how to bring it up to him...

I don't know how to tell him that what he is trying to do to help will drive me back to bad habits. It is about the time for me to...

You see, since seventh grade, I've always gone on a 2-3 month bulimia kick. There was a period my freshman year that lasted about 6 months, but I usually only do it for 2-3. Every single year. I'd skip breakfast, eat lunch 3-4 times a week and purge after, eat dinner when I had to and take a shower after to purge. That was my habit. It is comforting.

I've had people who encouraged it. I would be on the phone and one of my friends would ask me to purge on the phone. I would take a spoon [my fingers rarely do it for me any more] and gag until I would throw up. Some friend...

I had people who saved me from it. Like in the kindness post, I had Alex. Freshman year, the hardest year for me to quit, one of my best friends was a great help when I did finally stop. Sophomore year and Junior year were easy years to stop. No help needed. My senior year my friends with benefits stopped me. I didn't need to be stopped yet, I had only been at it for a little less than two months. I could have stopped by myself but he found out and cared for me, so stopped me. I promised him that I would never make myself do that again.

I haven't from that day. I don't know why that promise meant so much to me. Maybe I figure that I am too old for that shit. I want to be done with it.

One thing that I was always active in, was thinspiration. Which is pictures of skinny girls to motivate. I had pictures, quotes, and... a food journal. I had this pretty notebook, green and blue, that I glued the pictures. The quotes were colorful. It consumed my time so I didn't eat. That food journal was an integral part of my disorder. Now, being told to record my intake again makes me automatically sick. It brings back memories of the porcelain throne that I worshiped at.

I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to go into the details of that part of my past. I want him to think of me as the strong confident girl that I am, not a weak self conscious girl that I used to be. I don't know what to do. This isn't everything even, it goes deeper. There is more that I just put away and don't talk about. It doesn't need to be talked about, it's not who I am. But, being made to keep a food journal makes certain things from the past leak into the present... I don't know what to do...

Sunday, February 7, 2010

It's Saturday Night [or at least it was...]

So, I had been craving some attention lately. After last weekend's fail, I was really disappointed in myself and wanted to prove that I could take it. So, as I tweeted on Saturday, I set out to 'entice' Daddy. Okay, not really entice. He was playing his computer game and I went in and asked if he wanted to play with his slut. He, thankfully, said yes.

So, I got ready. I shaved, did my hair, lipgloss, cute outfit, etc. I like getting dolled up to get messed up. I asked what he wanted me to bring out to use. He told me to pick. I got really excited at that. It didn't mean that he would use everything, but it did mean that he [most likely] wouldn't use something that I didn't put out. So I brought out rope, three different kinds of vibrators, nipple clamps, anal plug, ben wa balls, the crop, lube, the bit gag, and... I think that is it. I didn't know what he would use, but I knew it would be fun.

He came out and quickly put the bit gag on me. [heavenly, I LOOOOVE my bit gag] He went on to warm me up with his hand. It was nice to be able to take it. The rest of it included the ben wa balls, a bullet vibe, anal plug, and the crop. Once he was satisfied with the damage he did on my ass, he told me to open my legs for him. I happily obliged.

The orgasms were fabulous. It wasn't about the pleasure I was receiving though, it was about being able to take the pain. I was so proud of myself, and I knew I was pleasing him by not stopping.

I can't wait for the next time, because I know I can take it. I want to take it. It feels good, really good. :)

-PS here you go, a kinky post finally! :P


Okay, this is totally not kinky either, but please continue reading. I *promise* the next post will be kinky. I swear!!!

Okay, hopefully you're still reading. Yes, YOU!!! I know you are reading. Why don't you comment? On any little post, I promise I'll respond back. Ask a question, if you don't agree, say something. I know you are there!!! How do I know? Because my activity has been steadily increasing. :) So thank you first of all, I truly appreciate you taking the time out to read what I have to write. Really, I do.

I have been trying hard to get more readers, and I am doing it. With my twitter account I am getting people, with my comments on other blogs I am getting people, and from fetlife I am getting people. From my stats it looks that I have gathered a handful of followers too who keep up with my posts. I thank you. I would love to spark some discussions too though, so please feel free to comment on any of my posts. I would greatly appreciate it.

Edited to add- Hey! I got a formspring. So please, ask questions!!!!! :D You can find the box in the left sidebar. :D


My best guy friend just told me yesterday that he is joining the army. I responded back that it was very cool, which it is. He is doing something great for our country. I'm scared though. I feel like crying, but the tears won't come. I live in a different state than him, so he asked that I come back to see him before he goes off to basic. Of course I said yes. I wouldn't dream of not seeing him before.

I still see him as this little freshman though. I can't believe we met four years ago. It seems like forever ago. He was this cute adorable little freshman. I can't believe that he has grown up so much. I want to shout and scream that he is too young.

I have had friends that have been in the army/marines. The thing is, they've been OUT of them. I've never had to deal with a friend being IN them. All my friends have done their tours. They are finished risking their lives. Now I have not only a friend, but my best guy friend who is going in. I'm scared. I want to hold him and never let him go. I know what he is doing is great though, which is why I said it was very cool what he is doing. I'm proud of him, because he knows that he won't be sunning on beaches, it is real shit out there.

He doesn't go off to basic for a few months, so I've got time. I love him though, and I am scared that something will happen. Sorry, I know the past two posts have been devoid of kinkiness... I will get back to the program later today/tomorrow.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

WTF? Family...

So, I know that this blog is about all things kinky, but family is something that is apart of every relationship. My family is... strange. You can go back and read about when they interrogated my Daddy about our relationship when they found out we were dating. [Dubbed 'The Pow Wow] Some people who know me in real life know that my mother kicked me out in October. I came to live with my Daddy. Then I visited her for Thanksgiving and we agreed I would move back in January. Then two days after we agreed upon that she did some pretty drastic things and kicked me out again.

The only family member who knows the whole story is my [paternal] grandmother [and possibly my paternal grandfather]. To be honest, they are really the only family members I feel like I can count on. The rest of my family have pretty much deserted me. I moved, and they stopped talking to me. My birthday came and went with only two phones calls from family members. Christmas came and went, nothing from them. [I was spending Christmas with my paternal grandparents so obviously they were there for me]

Well, today was one of my cousin's birthday. She is young and doesn't deserve to be put in the middle of any family drama, so I called. Like I said, she is young so when I called her mother [my aunt] answered. My aunt was rude to me and quickly handed the phone off to my cousin. I didn't talk for more than a minute because they had family over for her birthday. It was a simple phone call, and yet I got off the phone fuming.

My aunt made a comment about how we hadn't talked in a while. She has made NO effort since my mother kicked me out. I called in the very beginning and would leave messages, but I refuse to be a beating horse. I will not continue to call when I won't get phone call back. Her fingers aren't broken, she couldn't call??? It all is very frustrating.

I talked to my Daddy about it and pretty much told him that I want to write them off. I have no desire to be apart of a family that does not care about me. I have friends and other family members [such as my paternal grandparents] who do truly care.

It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt though. It does hurt. I was always told that my family would always be there for me. But when I get an older boyfriend, bam, some of them start dropping off. My mother kicks me out, bam, the majority of the rest of them drop off. It does hurt. The only way I know to make it stop is to do what they've done to me, and write them off as family members.

Friday, February 5, 2010

You've got such a pretty face...

That compliment makes my skin crawl, "you've got such a pretty face". It is a compliment many chubby/fat girls hear. Or better yet, the one I hear more often is, "your face is a skinny person's face". WTF??? So, my face is acceptable to your beauty standards because it looks like a skinny person's, but my body isn't?

I have briefly spoken here about my weight before. I have spoken about dieting, but also about my love of my body. While yes, I do have imperfections, I love my body. Truly, I do. I love my shape. I have got curves from here to Timbuktu. I like my curves. There are downsides to them though. I can go from a size 'M' to 'XXL' because of my tits, hips, and ass. Seriously, MEDIUM to XX-LARGE. Although usually I stay in the Large arena. For dresses? Oh don't get me started on dresses. Because my curves are curvy, I have dresses from 12-20. As any girl can tell you, that is a huuuuuuuge difference in sizes. It's annoying don't get me wrong, but I love my shape.

However, I do admit that I would like my shape to be in a smaller proportion. Which is why you've heard me talk about dieting here. I'm not ashamed of that. I don't think it negates the fact that I love my body.

Back on topic though, people seem to think that I want to fit in the beauty standards that the media so happily promotes. I don't. I am perfectly happy how I am. So, before you say, "you've got such a pretty face" again, please think as what that is saying about the rest of the person.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

After a hard day's work...

Happy HNT!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Prompt - Chore.

I have wanted to blog the past two days, but have had a writer's block. It's been frustrating so I grabbed a prompt from

What are your favorite domestic chores? Do you have any tips to help others do things simpler?

Okay, so here is the thing... I don't really have a 'favorite' chore. I don't get all pumped to do the dusting. However, when I am in the mood for cleaning, everything is my favorite. Sometimes I just get into a groove and can clean for hours and be completely happy. I usually can get into these moods once a week.

Sometimes the mood is stronger than other times. Sometimes I feel like I can clean the whole house. Other times I just want to tackle a room.

Here's the other thing though. I feel like I am failing epically at cleaning lately. I look around and I see boxes or just STUFF laying around. Yesterday I cleaned the main room a bit. It was nice to clean, but I wasn't really into it. I sometimes feel like this makes me a bad slave, but then when I take a step back I see that I do whatever Daddy asks of me. If he asks me to do something around the house, I do it without hesitation. It is sometimes finding the motivation to do things that he doesn't ask of me that I find hard.

I do it though. I do find the motivation some days. Just not everyday. I'm lucky that it is okay with my Daddy. Our house is not a mess. I think if it was a mess that it would irritate me quicker than him.

As for tips for other people... I'd say just stay on top of things. It bothers me to no end to have to do hours worth of dishes at once rather than twenty minutes everyday. Other tips? Windex. Seriously, Windex is the shiz. I looooove Windex.

RTT - Handbags.

Dino Bag.

I am lovin the cuteness of this bag. It comes in a lot of different colors but if I were to order it I think I would go with this pink color. Although if it came in an aqua color that would change my mind...

Juicy pinkness. I think that describes something else, but who doesn't want to carry juicy pinkness on their arm???

Coach Minty bag.
I like coach purses. I think they have some lines that really cater to the younger generation. This popped out at me because my name in some online communities has 'minty' in it. So this would totally make my heart happy.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Upset with myself.

Daddy tried to do something tonight. He brought out rope, had me gagged, had a whole bunch of toys out. I finally felt like I was getting something special. We haven't done anything like that in such a long time that I have ignored my want for it. I essentially stop myself from desiring it.

Well stupid me decided to write about a past shitty relationship today. Smart right? So when Daddy goes and hits me with the shoehorn, I can't take it. He hits me about five times before I am literally trying to rip the rope from the chair I am tied to. I was scared out of my fucking mind. I couldn't take it. He was trying to calm me down but I felt frightened and ashamed all at the same time. I was moving so hard that I could have tipped the chair over easily. He got me to calm down enough to remove the rope, and I cried. I cried for a solid five minutes at least.

He comforted me. I was ashamed of myself. I hated myself for wanting something so badly and when it was finally given to me, on his terms and not from me asking, I couldn't take it. I feel worthless. I feel like I am a worthless slave.

I feel like I am disappointing him. I told him this and he said it wasn't true. He said he loves me and I am a good slave.

Sometimes though... I feel alone. I wish I was in Chicago around friends. I wish I had only a ten minute drive to my best friend's house. I don't though. I'm thousands of miles away.

I don't know what I want from him. I want him just to know what to do. I know that sounds bad, because he is not a mind reader. Just this once I wish he was. I wish he knew what to do to make me feel better. Because I don't.

My abuse.

Many, many bloggers are writing about their experiences with rape. I have never been raped. I am extremely fortunate with that. I hope to continue to be that fortunate. However, I do know what it is like to be scared. I know what it is like to have a man strike fear in your heart.

I was in my freshman year of high school. I never had a real boyfriend. Sure, I had gone on dates, but nothing that lasted enough to call whatever it was a relationship. I was at the age were peer pressure and puppy love was all around me. All of my friends were dating and I felt so left out. I had crushes, but it was never on guys who had crushes back.

My mom one night told me that we were going to meet her friend from work at a restaurant. I did not want to go. It sounded boring. I really didn't have a choice though. I still remember that night. I remember what I was wearing, maybe because it was brought up so many times after that night... I was wearing a low-cut aqua halter and black dance pants.

We went to the restaurant and met my mother's friend. She had her three kids in tow, a baby boy, a girl who was in third grade, and a guy who was a year older than me. Oh, he was dashing. We talked among the two of us while our parents talked. He was devilishly good looking and we flirted shamelessly. Somehow during the course of the meal I slipped him my number without our parents knowing.

When my mother and I left the restaurant and were in the car she immediately turned to me and told me that I could not like him. She said how he was a bad boy, he was trouble. Of course being 14, I didn't listen. He called and we talked for hours during the middle of the night.

His mom and his dad were divorced and he spent every weekend switching houses. This meant that the two younger siblings [half siblings really] needed someone to watch them if their parents wanted to go out on the weekends that he was not there. I was a responsible young girl who had a couple of babysitting gigs under my belt so they asked me. Of course I said yes.

At this point the boy and I had started to call ourselves a couple. The first time I babysat, he sneaked over [to his mother's house which still makes me giggle to be honest] and spent some time with me. This patterned continued over a handful of times I babysat. Then there would be the times I told my mother I was going to a friends house and he would take me out instead. That was how our relationship worked.

A little over a month into our relationship I did or said something he didn't like. To be honest, I really can't remember. I don't know if I blocked it out or if it was something that just wasn't memorable. But I do remember that slap. It stung. The force behind it left my face a bright pink. He immediately apologized and said he would never do it again. He had tears in his eyes. He didn't want me to leave, he said.

I stayed.

The abuse got worse. He would punch and kick and use household objects to bruise me. He was so smart about it though. He would only do it in places that I could hide easily. He was in high school too so he knew that shorts and tshirts had to be worn during gym so he hit my back, sides, and uppers legs.

I never told anyone. I was always super careful about changing in gym class. I had lockers next to a really close friend so I knew if she suspected anything she would say something. I want to say I don't know why I hid it. I want to say that I loved him and that's why. But I didn't love him. I just wanted a boyfriend. He was a good boyfriend when he wasn't hitting me. It was probably because he was perpetually making it up to me.

It got worse around our 8 month mark. He started using knives to control me. He would only do it on my back though. Cut little tiny cuts into me. Nothing that would hurt too much, nothing that would bleed too much, just enough to let me know he was in control and could do damage if he wanted to.

The circumstances of me actually leaving him have nothing to do with the abuse actually. He was a jealous guy, so being at different high schools never was a plus for us. He would call me on the bus every day because he didn't like one of the guys I talked to on the bus. He was so jealous that he lied about cheating on me to see if I would say I cheated on him too. Apparently I could have a boyfriend who abused me, but not a boyfriend who didn't trust me. I broke up with him.

He of course didn't like that I broke up with him. I stopped babysitting for his younger siblings because there was no guarantee he wouldn't show up. I stopped taking his phone calls because they were always threatening me- then begging me to give him another chance. I cut off all ties.

A year later I told my friend a little bit about it. She was the girl who changed next to me in gym. She admitted she always wondered why I was so weird about changing. She hugged me. She said she wished she knew what was going on so she could have done something. She was the only friend I told.

Since then the only time I have talked about him is on the internet. Mostly because there is always the question of how I got into the kinky lifestyle. I do credit that to my sex life with him. We were both very open sexually. I was never ashamed to ask for something more taboo or anything like that. He was also the first person to spank me.

I have been known to say that I don't regret the relationship/I'm grateful for the relationship because it led me to realize I am kinky. I think there is *some* truth in that, but mostly, it helps me not feel stupid for staying so long. I was in that relationship for over a year.

This is the first time I have ever said/written everything down. I have never told anyone about the knife aspect before. So while I have never been raped, and would not compare what I went through to rape, I have been abused. I don't know if it fits with what my fellow bloggers have been writing about, but whenever I read something of theirs this relationship would pop into my head...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Age Play

I got an email today from someone who has read my blog. [Wooo for emails from readers!] They noticed that I call my boyfriend, Daddy. They also noticed that in my about me page I say that I am not into age play. I also mention this in my edencafe bdsm definitions article. Her question was how I felt about age play. She asked if I looked down upon it. She also asked why I don't partake.

So I answered her questions individually and felt that it was something that the readers here might be interested in. So here you go...

How do I feel about age play?

How do I feel about it? Well I feel fine with it. I feel like it is a kink that, like some other kinks, is considered taboo because people who don't understand it associate it with pedophilia. I am comfortable with my age playing friends because I know it is a part of them. Just like being a slave is a part of me.

Do I look down upon age play?

No! I hope that no one gets this impression from my blog. A lot of my friends are age players.

Why don't I partake in age play?

I don't partake in age play because it isn't something that I feel passionately about. While at some point I do find I have tendencies that relate themselves to age play, it isn't something I could see myself really devoting a part of my heart to - right now. However, as I state in my kinky 100, I am intrigued by nonsexual age play. It is definitely on my list of things to explore further.

Those were my answers to her about my feelings about age play. I hope that no one feels that I look down upon or have any negative feelings what-so-ever about age play. Like I stated, a lot of my friends are age players. I know it is confusing to many that I call my Daddy, Daddy, and there is no age play involved. It is something that I may become more interested in, in the future. But right now I'm doing so many other things that I don't think I have the proper time to devote to exploring it fully.

If anyone has any questions further, don't hesitate to email me- or comment here.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Super Cool Anal Article

So, this really awesome chick wrote about anal... It is a pretty sweet article that you all should check out. It's at, here. :D

I am a couch.

So, I am a slave, however, my Daddy is not a Master. He is a wonderfully perfect Dom though. I know that many people turn their heads in confusion at this. I will more often than not will just say I am in a M/s relationship because it is easier for people to understand.

My Daddy asked me yesterday what I wanted different for him to be my Master. My answer is that there is nothing different to DO. He acts like my Master. However, there is one key thing that would have to change.

See, my Daddy needs to maintain that I have a choice to leave. I know he feels that I can, and he has given me that out if I so choose, but I don't see that as an option. That is why I am a slave. I am his. If he kicks me, breaks my bones, tells me to eat mushrooms, or turns into a big bad monster, I still cannot leave. He owns me. A couch doesn't have a choice to walk out the door, the owner of the couch needs to literally pick it up and put it on the curb. [In that analogy I am the couch.]

I am a couch.

However, someday perhaps he will change his thoughts and will become my Master. I cannot predict the future. For now we are just fine as Dom and slave. :) It works for us.

Why I am a childless mother.

So I was reading a post here that inspired me to write this.

I am 19 and have no children. This is a good thing for me considering that I don't have a job and am only doing some online course until my Daddy and I get settled in Chicago. I had a pregnancy scare a couple months ago that I wrote about here. It was a weird time for me. As you could read there, I was very conflicted with what I wanted the test to come out as.

See, here's the thing... I am a mother.

I know that I want kids. I know that I would be a good mother. It's scary don't get me wrong. What if they have special needs? What if they grow up to be a coke-head? What if they are disabled? There are a bunch of what ifs. Those what ifs are scary as hell. But I know that I wouldn't be complete if I wasn't a mother.

I am extremely lucky that my Daddy wants kids too. He actually wants three. I only want one... I did tell him though that if he wants more he has to knock me up in quick succession.

When I was in high school there were some times where I hung out with my young cousin. I looked older than I was so many times people around me thought I was just a young mother. The weird thing? I wouldn't correct them and at certain times I would go along with it. I've always wanted to be a mother.

I'm good with kids. I have this deep desire to be a mother.

I know that right now isn't the best time. With the way the economy is and the fact that we want to be Chicago, we know that waiting is the best thing. I forget what brought it up but Daddy said that he thinks the best time will be either a year before I'm done with college or as soon as I get done. I... sorta agree. I mean, that is a good time. But the impatient part of me wants a baby sooner.

Part of me can't believe I'm 19. I mean, I've always said that I want kids when I'm 20-21. That means I want kids in the next year or two. That is really strange to me at the same time. Who knows what the future will hold. For now, if I got pregnant it would be a mistake. I'm on birth control and plan on staying on birth control for the next year at least.

Like I have said time and time before, it is really up to Daddy at this point. I would get knocked up tomorrow if he thought we could support them and he thought it was a good idea.

So, even though I am childless, I am already a mother.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


So, my first article was published on! I am very excited about it. I have been waiting on pins and needles since I was told it was accepted. You can read it here. I'm definitely happy with it, and myself. And it bought the Valentine's Day toys I was talking about in yesterday's post!!!

I have another article that will be published soon too. It doesn't have to do with BDSM though. Although it's still a good article. I am planning on writing another this week or next and seeing if they like it. :) Fingers crossed they will.

HNT - Summer come back...

This shot was taken in the summer [hence why my hair is lighter and longer....]

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Remember When I talked about gifts?

Well I totally rocked with gift giving for Valentine's Day gift buying. I've written two articles for and when you write for them you get gift cards to [see side bar]. It is pretty much completely awesome. So when the amazing people at said that was giving 35% off to contributors I was stoked.

I had already bought something for my Daddy, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up. I usually buy things with the 30% off that reviewers get, but you can only do one product at a time with that. So I bought three things. Two of which are for my Daddy as Valentine's Day presents.

I was saving my 50 dollars worth of gift cards to get the the Lelo Gigi but I figure I can wait on that. The toys I got were on my wish list [all three] so it's not like I went and bought random things that I just started wanting today. All in all, I am very excited for Valentine's Day to get here. Not to mention I am HORRIBLE at not giving people gifts as soon as I get them, so this will be extra tough because I am so excited about the gifts!!!!!

Keep in Mind

Please keep in mind that everything I write is my opinion and what works for me. Please don't ever feel like I am trying to force my ways on you, or that I feel your way is wrong. Things are different in every M/s, D/s, T/b relationship. What works for me may not work for you or the next person. It is all I know and therefore all I can write about. Please feel free to comment and let me know how your relationship or opinion differs though. :) Much love!


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